1009. I know you people look at me as an intellectual icon but…

I was going through my monthly issue of US, you know to keep my toe in on the issues, when something happened that made me realize that you’re going to have to look elsewhere for the up to date news.

There was a picture of Blythe Danner and in parenthesis after her name it said “Gwyneth Paltrow’s mom!”

It was the exclamation point that put me over the edge, like SURPRISE!

So dear readers, now that I’m too old to function properly you’re going to have to do your own political and timely fact finding.

Remember when I used to let you know what a dope potus was and kept you on  point with all the facts I had picked up on Twitter and Facebook?

I don’t trust myself any more. For all I know the guy’s a genius.

My giant brain isn’t the only thing that’s failing.

I picked up Julie and Wisteria to take her home from the Animal Medical Center because I didn’t want her to deal with rush hour traffic.

Wisteria is a miracle dog. Three years ago she was given a few months to live.  Here she is now being beautiful, fat and a champion of chewing.

The doctor was almost crying at how great she looks.

Here also is a picture of her lounging around and looking like a million bucks.

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Anyway I digress. Driving home at twilight is not as easy as it once was now that I’m 75. I won’t say that Julie was nervous but I thought she was made of stronger stuff.

On the same topic I was talking to my friend Susan and I mentioned that I may have to drive out to my rental house in Montauk to get it ready to show.

I thought it would be great if I could do it in one day. She said she’d love to come with me but added that would mean that I would have to drive at night coming home.

“No problem babe. I can see the road okay and if you’re there to shout at me if anyone wearing dark clothing  walks in front of my car we’ll be solid.”

In other news I’m going to have to get a cloth muzzle for Debbie so when I walk her it will be more difficult for her to bite passersby.

I haven’t told her yet so keep it under your hat.

1008. Thoughts that you need to know

Even though I don’t blog as much as I used to I think all the time.

Mostly it’s “What the hell was I thinkin’?”

Like just now on Twitter I was just about to “like” a tweet about how boring the Super Bowl was.

Now I didn’t watch the Super Bowl.  I don’t know anything about football and I couldn’t care less whether it was a nail biter or a snooze fest.

I will say that from looking at the pictures of  Adam Levine’s tattoos on TV today it reignited my long time wish to get a tattoo of that “Keep On Truckin'” guy above my right eye.

Speaking about getting old.

(See what I did there? I pretended that I was speaking about getting old to show you that one of the things about getting old is that your brain turns to swiss cheese.)

I couldn’t remember Adam Levine’s name (I had to google it) and yet I watch Jeopardy every night and get a lot of the questions right. It’s a swiss cheese mystery.

Another thing I think about is that people are always complaining that my dog bites them when they come to my house.

Now I don’t think I’ve ever made a secret of it.

Some people just can’t take it.

My friend Jeffrey wouldn’t get off the elevator because Debbie was snarling at him AND HE WANTED ME TO PRINT SOMETHING OUT FOR HIM!

He chose to go out in the cold and walk 2 blocks rather than risk confronting this little dog.

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I should have put a pack of cigarettes next to her to show how small she is.

And some people who she actually likes and treats fairly nicely make a big deal over any little thing.

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For instance my nephew Mark who only got bitten when he went to the bathroom which everyone knows Debbie hates, made a big deal out of her eating a hot dog on his dress coat.

Look, she likes who she likes i.e. my doorman

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Last week my friend Sherry mentioned that she was reading one of Julie’s books and she couldn’t stop laughing.

I won’t tell you her last name because you will be so disappointed in me for being friends with someone who is constantly putting shit on Facebook like:

“Share if you love your mother”

Anyway I hadn’t read it for quite a few years so I decided to download it to my book machine.

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I have to say I laughed out loud.

The only other book that made me laugh out loud was the one about the spy who couldn’t sleep. I only laughed 2 times in it but I’m not a laugher.

Julie’s book is a laugh riot. You should read it.

I say that even if it does make me and my sisters look like a bunch of losers which we probably are.

Tune in next week when I discuss my interview with Jay Z.

(does anyone know Jay Z?)