My niece Randy and her daughter Jessie stayed at my house last night because they had tickets to see “Hello Dolly”.

They left my apartment at 7 p.m. and went to 57th and Third to get a cab to the theatre.

My niece walks with a cane.

They were waiting for about 10 minutes when a young blonde woman, very pretty, in her 30’s stopped near them and put her hand up to hail a cab while looking at her phone.

My girls moved up a ways so as not to interfere with her.

A cab, going the other way, made a u turn and stopped in front of Randy and Jess. I guess he chose them because of the cane.

The woman, who we shall now refer to as fuckhead, started waving her arms screaming
“NO NO NO!  I’ve been waiting for 40 minutes” A total lie because they were there before her and they were only there for 15 minutes.

Jess is just about to get into the cab when FF hits her in the head with her purse. Jess dives in the cab to get away from her.

FF tries to yank Jess out of the cab while pushing  Randy (and her cane) to the ground.

Finally the cab driver yells at her to get away. Jess pulls Randy into the cab and closes the door. They drive away with FF giving them the finger.

The cab driver said he’s been driving a cab for 30 years and never saw anything like this. He said at first he thought they were friends and it was a joke.

I am making an announcement:

If you are blonde, pretty and in your 30’s and I see you on 57th street anywhere near Third Avenue I am going to kick the shit out of you.

I’m thinking it will take awhile before I get the right perp but you know the old saying about kissing a lot of frogs……

Last night I had a dinner party for Julie, Dan and his darling sister, Holly.

You all know what Julie looks like but here is a photo of Dan and Holly.

I adore them both. I don’t know if you can tell but they’re the people from another land of which I spoke, Iowa or Indiana, one of the “I” states.

(I’d like to note here that I love and accept all people)

Most people that come to my house are well aware of my entertainment rules. Wait, not just mine, all civilization’s rules.

1. Lovely appetizers and cocktails. polite conversation;   40 to 45 minutes
2. Arrange yourselves at the table;  Shouldn’t take more than 3 to 5 minutes
3. Enjoy a lovely 3 course meal. Can occur in one hour if the chit chat is kept to a minimum.
   1. last night’s dinner was a lovely salad, chicken parmigiana with cheese and basil pasta, dessert of apple pie and ice cream.
   2. lovely beverages were served throughout.
4. Saying our good byes. Not more than 2 minutes.

Since Dan has entered our family I’ve loosened this up a bit because the goyim seem to have to pee just as everyone else is at the elevator and I’m nothing if not flexible.

I will say it hasn’t been easy but he’s conformed to our family quite nicely and not too long after I say “Go home” he pees and joins the others at the door.

Last night got us off to a bad start

They came 20 minutes late. This wasn’t too serious but I explained that they’d have to rush through dessert.

Then through no fault of my own my salad was so extraordinary that much time was used up praising it and asking for ingredients. (fyi strawberries).

I was sure that Dan schooled is sister on New York dining but he seems to have left out one major thing which can throw the whole meal off.

YOU ONLY TALK IN BETWEEN COURSES. The poor girl chatted between bites.

Which is why she unfortunately didn’t have time to finish her dessert.

My sister Marcia and I went to Montauk for 2 nights.

I had to check my house after a summer of renting it to possibly a thousand, disguised as 6 twenty-somethings and Marcia came with me.

We love to get away together because we only do what we want to do. There is not one other person or pet that has any say in whether we eat in a fancy restaurant or look in an earring store for hours on end.

It’s just us.

Here we are at the beach enjoying ourselves. Me innocently ignorant of what was waiting for me when I got home.

I leave Ray in the best of care, my Superintendant’s family. His wife oversees everything and their son and his girlfriend stay in my apartment waiting on Ray hand and foot.

When I got home they told me Ray was so sad the whole time. He slept in my bathroom even though they kept picking him up and bringing them in their bed.

How does this effect me? Easy answer, I am never leaving him alone again. This will be my life from now on.

Also on the few times I go to the bathroom alone there will be someone waiting outside the door suggesting that I help him flip his toy around.

Now who’s gonna rescue me?

Ray hates dogs.

In spite of this he doesn’t mind going up to Connecticut to visit Stephanie and Terry.

“Doesn’t mind” is a bit of a stretch. He loves them but he’s learned to endure their brood.

We just came back from a 2 night visit.

They have two huge dogs and two medium dogs.

He stays as far away from them as he can.

He can take or leave their small dogs but he thinks they’re schmucks.

What they consider fun is a mystery to him.

Even the 3 sneaky dogs they have are acceptable as long as they keep their distance.

Why they had to bring a monster into the mix is a mystery that can never be explained.

Ray was absolutely terrorized by this bitch (and I don’t mean it in the female dog sense either)

She simply wouldn’t leave him alone. She stalked him wherever he went.

Ray sought a bit of solitude on his bed but that wasn’t good enough for her.

She snapped at him and it took me a good half hour to find him after that.

She even taunted him by sucking up to his cousin Stephanie.

And to make matters worse she was all over his beloved Terry who, incidentally, is the only person in the house who doesn’t refer to him as “not all there”.

You know who you are, Stephanie.

I don’t know when we’ll be able to go up there again. I know it won’t be until someone throws her out of the country.

All the way home in the car he was mumbling “where’s trump when we need him?”