This past Saturday was my great nephew Jacob’s Bar Mitzvah.
My nephew Brian and his two girls spent the weekend at my house and we all drove up together to celebrate in Connecticut.
Naturally I drove, it being my car, with nothing but criticism from Brian.
First because I passed by two different exits that the GPS told me to get off on because I knew a better way. At least I thought I did. It turns out I was wrong and we did a bit of backtracking.
As I told Brian, in my defense I wasn’t paying that much attention and I thought I was on a different parkway.
Second, when we were almost there, Brian discovered, to his shock and dismay, that there was only one seat belt in the back seat so one of his daughters was at risk.
All during the Bar Mitzvah Brian was giving me suggestions on how to immediately get the rear seat belt fixed when I got home.
Julie just laughed at him.
“She’s not going to fix it”
He gave me a disbelieving look. “You won’t?”
“Why would I? My car is a million years old and no one ever sits in the back seat”
“Sadie did (that’s his daughter)”
“So if once in a blue moon Sadie sits in the back, she can hold on”
Back to the Bar Mitzvah.
It was wonderful until I got on the dias with my sister Marcia and my brother in law Paul and got the giggles. The whole time the Lady Cantor gave me dirty looks trying to make me get hold of myself.
She was the last person to give advice since she had a hacking cough that she was intent on spreading and blew her nose like a fog horn every time she wasn’t singing.
It brought to mind all the functions I’ve ruined. I laughed hysterically at my friend Sue’s first wedding, I burst into tears at my niece Laura’s wedding when I was supposed to do a reading and my phone rang during the ceremony at my niece Alexandra’s wedding.
If anyone puts me front and center again they get what they deserve.
The day was wonderful and when it was time to leave Brian insisted on driving. He put me in the no seatbelt seat while Sadie sat up front since I was the only one who was dispensable .
As he explained he was the head of his family and the two girls “had so much to live for” while it was clear that I wasn’t putting my twilight years to good use for the most part as far as Brian could see.
Since on the trip home we would be passing Katonah, Brian asked his girls if they’d like to see where he grew up. Sadie who had 1. just escaped the jaws of death by no seatbelt and 2. knew which side her bread was buttered on and who pays for that butter, said “Sure Dad, I’d love to”
So while Brian pointed out his high school, his junior high school and where all of his friends lived,Sadie oooed and ahhhed with interest and appreciation and her sister, Lily sat in the back seat pretending to shoot herself in the head with her finger.
I wanted to show that I was every bit as much fun as their father so on the way back from parking the car I showed the girls where my dentist’s office was.