112. Sometimes my blogs are boring but this one isn’t.

I got a call from my nephew Yitzhak (nee Eric) in Israel today.

He said “I usually keep up with what you’re doing by your blog but you haven’t been writing lately.”

So we talked about what is going on with our lives.

He told me a very interesting story. Actually a follow up to a story I’ve known for 25 years.

He has 10 children.

When his oldest daughter married a man from Brooklyn things happened and her husband severed her relationship with her family.

Now I must preface this by saying that we have a very close family. That is true with the Israeli family too so you can imagine the grief that my nephew, his wife and the other 9 brothers and sisters felt at being cut off from their sister/daughter.

That is why whenever they came to New York to visit me they tried to see their daughter.

One day Yitzhak was in his hotel room, it must have been Shabbas because during the week he stayed with me, there was a knock on the door. He opened it to 5 strong arm Hasidim (I know to us that sounds like an oxymoron) who pushed him around and told him he no longer has a daughter and to leave her alone and stop trying to contact her.

He was badly shaken up and his other children were horrified and very angry at their sister.

Now let me forward this to 25 years later, now.

Yitzhak’s son, Josh (It might have been Mordecai, I forgot to ask but he lives in London too,) was at a wedding and one of those men was there.

Mordecai/Josh spoke to him and said he would never get to heaven unless he got my nephew’s forgiveness. I, myself, didn’t know that Jews believed in heaven which shows where I stand on the good Jew ladder.

The man said he was very young then and had always been sorry and ashamed at what he had done.  He wanted Yitzhak’s phone number so that he could apologize.

Mordecai/Josh said that’s not good enough. You should face him.

Not too long ago my nephew is in his house when the doorbell rings.  It was the guy.

He said he was coming from some City (I forgot where) and on my way to another place and I made this side trip to Israel (no where near either place) to beg your forgiveness for what I did that night.

Yitzhak’s answer “I forgave you 25 years ago”

There was more talk. Yitz invited him in for coffee. The guy punched him and ran away.

Just kidding. The guy thanked him but said he had to get back to the airport.

Back to the phone call.

I asked him about the elections in Israel and what the story with Netanyahu was.

He said he’s like Trump but he’s done some good things.

He then asked what I thought about Pete Buttigieg.

He said that he was very impressed with him and found him mesmerizing.

Knowing how the Hassidim think about homosexuality, I was really surprised by this answer.

He said “I think he could possibly win. From what I see of all the hates in America homosexuality seems to be becoming much more acceptable.

I said there is a lot more Jew hating here than before.

He said he knows.

Which is why readers I am changing my name to Mary Catherine.

My nephew Yitzhak and 3 of his children. I love them so much.

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1011. If you want a job right you must hire the best people

As some of you know I have this house in Montauk New York that I rent out every summer.  dave and I share the expenses and income from it but I do all the work.

Not that I’m patting myself on the back because as you know that’s the last thing I would do.

My niece Laura Rose and her husband Mark went out there a few months ago and told me it really needed some fixing up.

“What?” said I to myself “Mark is just finicky because he has a snow house he rents and he’s thinks he knows stuff”

Montauk has become a happinin’ place. I’ve rented it for the last few years to the same group of young people.

The renter from last year called a few months ago and said she and her friends wanted to rent it again this year so I wasn’t worried.

I had asked the maid who cleaned it at the end of the season what the condition was and she said it looked ok to her so I returned their security and didn’t give it another thought.

About a week ago the renter let me know that they no longer wanted to rent the house.

This was not good.

It meant that the house had to be shown to strangers who might be a little more picky that a bunch of drunk 20 somethings.

I started thinking that I might have to give some credence to what Laura and Mark said about the condition of the house.

So I jumped into action.

I remembered Laura saying that some of the rugs needed to be replaced, many of the curtains were down, there was a sweatshirt used to keep the sun out of one of the bedrooms and the place looked like it needed a little TLC.

I realized that I’d need some muscle.  I myself am weak as a fish. In fact I’m having a cocktail right now and I can barely lift the glass.

I therefore requested the aid of my sister and brother in law.

True they are 81 and 84 but they’re practically hill folk in the strength department.  And if I was going to have to lift beds to put down new rugs well we’d need strength.

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I also decided that bringing Debbie would be counter productive so I hired top grade dog trainers to care for at home.

It was my super’s son who I knew would use the time to train her to be a the obedient show dog I thought I was getting when I got her from the ASPCA.

Here they are training her.

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So we go out there.

The beds were all pushed against the wall so they could make room for the 10,000 blow up beds they’d need.

Forget any curtains and there were wires hanging from the ceiling in the front hall where they had pulled off the smoke alarm. I guess it needed a new battery and that was too much for them to handle.

There were missing lamps and at least one night table was in pieces.

Plus we had no wifi because someone stole the router.

So we had to buy new stuff, lift the beds for the new rugs and move all the furniture where it belonged.

So I got my staff moving.

At one point they said something about wanting naps but I didn’t have a year to fix the place up so I told them they’d get plenty of sleep when they got home.

Unfortunately I didn’t take before pictures but here are a few after shots.

 

 

If you want to hire my staff I’m sure they’re available but if you let them they’ll take a lot of breaks.

 

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1011. You must hire the right people to get a job done well.

As some of you know I have this house in Montauk New York that I rent out every summer.  dave and I share the expenses and income from it but I do all the work.

Not that I’m patting myself on the back because as you know that’s the last thing I would do.

My niece Laura Rose and her husband Mark went out there a few months ago and told me it really needed some fixing up.

“What?” said I to myself “Mark is just finicky because he has a snow house he rents and he’s thinks he knows stuff”

Montauk has become a happinin’ place. I’ve rented it for the last few years to the same group of young people.

The renter from last year called a few months ago and said she and her friends wanted to rent it again this year so I wasn’t worried.

I had asked the maid who cleaned it at the end of the season what the condition was and she said it looked ok to her so I returned their security and didn’t give it another thought.

About a week ago the renter let me know that they no longer wanted to rent the house.

This was not good.

It meant that the house had to be shown to strangers who might be a little more picky that a bunch of drunk 20 somethings.

I started thinking that I might have to give some credence to what Laura and Mark said about the condition of the house.

So I jumped into action.

I remembered Laura saying that some of the rugs needed to be replaced, many of the curtains were down, there was a sweatshirt used to keep the sun out of one of the bedrooms and the place looked like it needed a little TLC.

I realized that I’d need some muscle.  I myself am weak as a fish. In fact I’m having a cocktail right now and I can barely lift the glass.

I therefore requested the aid of my sister and brother in law.

True they are 81 and 84 but they’re practically hill folk in the strength department.  And if I was going to have to lift beds to put down new rugs well we’d need strength.

IMG_2619

I also decided that bringing Debbie would be counter productive so I hired top grade dog trainers to care for at home.

It was my super’s son who I knew would use the time to train her to be a the obedient show dog I thought I was getting when I got her from the ASPCA.

Here they are training her.

anthony

So we go out there.

The beds were all pushed against the wall so they could make room for the 10,000 blow up beds they’d need.

Forget any curtains and there were wires hanging from the ceiling in the front hall where they had pulled off the smoke alarm. I guess it needed a new battery and that was too much for them to handle.

There were missing lamps and at least one night table was in pieces.

Plus we had no wifi because someone stole the router.

So we had to buy new stuff, lift the beds for the new rugs and move all the furniture where it belonged.

So I got my staff moving.

At one point they said something about wanting naps but I didn’t have a year to fix the place up so I told them they’d get plenty of sleep when they got home.

Unfortunately I didn’t take before pictures but here are a few after shots.

 

 

If you want to hire my staff I’m sure they’re available but if you let them they’ll take a lot of breaks.

 

1010. I’ve decided to accept old age.

Here’s the bummer about getting old. You forget things. I was talking to Julie this morning and I couldn’t remember someone’s name or the name of a show I was watching.

It’s been bothering me even though my shrink says it’s normal and I’m only as batty as any other 75 year old person.

Just in case she’s wrong I have been watching Jeopardy every night and doing the New York Times crossword puzzles every day.

I ace the Monday and Tuesday but we shall not speak of Friday or Saturday.

All this in an effort to stretch my brain because I am anxious about this.

The this morning while talking to Julie I had an epiphany. Remember when I used to have a lot of those? Now they’re few and far between.

But here it is….

I’m not a surgeon or an astrophysicist.  Who cares what I say?

With Julie’s approval I’ve decided to chill.

From now on if I can’t think of a word I’ll just insert any word I do think of.

I’m in kind of a hurry now because I have to walk my couch and then I have an appointment with my lipstick.

1009. I know you people look at me as an intellectual icon but…

I was going through my monthly issue of US, you know to keep my toe in on the issues, when something happened that made me realize that you’re going to have to look elsewhere for the up to date news.

There was a picture of Blythe Danner and in parenthesis after her name it said “Gwyneth Paltrow’s mom!”

It was the exclamation point that put me over the edge, like SURPRISE!

So dear readers, now that I’m too old to function properly you’re going to have to do your own political and timely fact finding.

Remember when I used to let you know what a dope potus was and kept you on  point with all the facts I had picked up on Twitter and Facebook?

I don’t trust myself any more. For all I know the guy’s a genius.

My giant brain isn’t the only thing that’s failing.

I picked up Julie and Wisteria to take her home from the Animal Medical Center because I didn’t want her to deal with rush hour traffic.

Wisteria is a miracle dog. Three years ago she was given a few months to live.  Here she is now being beautiful, fat and a champion of chewing.

The doctor was almost crying at how great she looks.

Here also is a picture of her lounging around and looking like a million bucks.

wisteria

Anyway I digress. Driving home at twilight is not as easy as it once was now that I’m 75. I won’t say that Julie was nervous but I thought she was made of stronger stuff.

On the same topic I was talking to my friend Susan and I mentioned that I may have to drive out to my rental house in Montauk to get it ready to show.

I thought it would be great if I could do it in one day. She said she’d love to come with me but added that would mean that I would have to drive at night coming home.

“No problem babe. I can see the road okay and if you’re there to shout at me if anyone wearing dark clothing  walks in front of my car we’ll be solid.”

In other news I’m going to have to get a cloth muzzle for Debbie so when I walk her it will be more difficult for her to bite passersby.

I haven’t told her yet so keep it under your hat.

1008. Thoughts that you need to know

Even though I don’t blog as much as I used to I think all the time.

Mostly it’s “What the hell was I thinkin’?”

Like just now on Twitter I was just about to “like” a tweet about how boring the Super Bowl was.

Now I didn’t watch the Super Bowl.  I don’t know anything about football and I couldn’t care less whether it was a nail biter or a snooze fest.

I will say that from looking at the pictures of  Adam Levine’s tattoos on TV today it reignited my long time wish to get a tattoo of that “Keep On Truckin'” guy above my right eye.

Speaking about getting old.

(See what I did there? I pretended that I was speaking about getting old to show you that one of the things about getting old is that your brain turns to swiss cheese.)

I couldn’t remember Adam Levine’s name (I had to google it) and yet I watch Jeopardy every night and get a lot of the questions right. It’s a swiss cheese mystery.

Another thing I think about is that people are always complaining that my dog bites them when they come to my house.

Now I don’t think I’ve ever made a secret of it.

Some people just can’t take it.

My friend Jeffrey wouldn’t get off the elevator because Debbie was snarling at him AND HE WANTED ME TO PRINT SOMETHING OUT FOR HIM!

He chose to go out in the cold and walk 2 blocks rather than risk confronting this little dog.

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I should have put a pack of cigarettes next to her to show how small she is.

And some people who she actually likes and treats fairly nicely make a big deal over any little thing.

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For instance my nephew Mark who only got bitten when he went to the bathroom which everyone knows Debbie hates, made a big deal out of her eating a hot dog on his dress coat.

Look, she likes who she likes i.e. my doorman

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Last week my friend Sherry mentioned that she was reading one of Julie’s books and she couldn’t stop laughing.

I won’t tell you her last name because you will be so disappointed in me for being friends with someone who is constantly putting shit on Facebook like:

“Share if you love your mother”

Anyway I hadn’t read it for quite a few years so I decided to download it to my book machine.

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I have to say I laughed out loud.

The only other book that made me laugh out loud was the one about the spy who couldn’t sleep. I only laughed 2 times in it but I’m not a laugher.

Julie’s book is a laugh riot. You should read it.

I say that even if it does make me and my sisters look like a bunch of losers which we probably are.

Tune in next week when I discuss my interview with Jay Z.

(does anyone know Jay Z?)

 

 

1007. What’s new with you? I got nuthin’

I don’t know if you noticed but I haven’t been blogging as much as I used to and I’m not sure why.

It may be that my life has become so dull that I’m not even interested in it. How can I expect strangers to read it.

Let me give you an example.

This morning I found a piece of a hot dog in my bed.  You don’t have to be Hercule Poirot to figure out who put it there.

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Does that a blog make?

I think not.

Yesterday I got 2 free meals.

One from David who was in NYC on business.

That was kinda blog worthy because he paid.

The other was a wonderful birthday dinner with my darling nephews and nieces.

I guess my dog biting many of them would be newsworthy but to me it’s just a Tuesday.

See what I mean?

 

 

1006. Why I’m happy today

There is only one purpose for today’s blog.

To post pictures of last evening.

Don’t think I don’t know that it is extremely boring to most people but I’ve had to look at your shitty pictures with little or no complaint so tough.

Last night my friends Susan and Allan and Ronnie and Dave took me out for an early birthday celebration.

You know how when you look forward to stuff it’s never as good at you think it will be? This was better.

We had dinner reservations for 7:30 but everyone came to my house first for cocktails.

Debbie knew and loved the girls but she wasn’t quite sure about the men.

After casual biting and David standing frozen at the front door for an terribly unmanly amount of time, Debbie finally warmed up to them and allowed them entrance.

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We then went to the Indian restaurant next door.

I could try to write something witty about dinner but that is not the purpose of this. It’s to show my photos.

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If you notice I am wearing the beautiful earrings that they gave me.

By the way, my birthday is in a few weeks.  I know it’s the thing to ask people to donate money to my favorite charity at that time. But I am guessing that the people who follow me are plenty generous already so maybe you’ll want to consider this:

I like earrings.

I could use some gray slacks.

I wouldn’t throw a couch back at you.

I hear peddle pushers are back in style for those in the know.

Well you just give it some thought.

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas and happy New Year.

1005. The more you know…..

Yesterday I drove Julie to a gig way far away. They said it was an hour and a half away but that time estimation was left that on the boardroom floor.

(What does that mean?)

Anyway we left at 4 and by 4:30 it was dark.

Since driving in the dark is one of the things that I “left on the boardroom floor” in my sixties, Julie kept offering to drive.

Now Julie doesn’t drive much and she has been known to bump into stuff so I resisted.

(don’t judge her. the stuff she bumped into were those rubber cones that shouldn’t have been on the FDR anyway)

I will say I was tempted to give her the wheel anyway since it was harder to see than I expected.

“Jules, it’s really dark. Do you think my lights are okay?”

And I fiddled with them.

Silly me. It seems I didn’t turn them on.

Man you’d be surprised how much better you can drive with the lights on.

Maybe there’s a bunch more stuff I thought I couldn’t do any more that one little twist will make possible.

I’m gonna go back and give a try to long jumping and ballet and even soccer.

Where did I put my soccer helmet?

Oh yeah, Julie was wonderful.

1004. I know you’re wondering…

1. How’d it turn out with Bosch?

They apologized and told me to turn the heat down in my water.

I wrote back that I live in an apartment building and have no control of that and no other person in my building of over 100 apartments is complaining about their dishwasher breaking glasses because of the heat.

Radio silence.

Summation: Fuck Bosch.  I can live with it the way it is but if I ever get another dishwasher it will be Kitchen Aid.

2. Debby and Thanksgiving and my thinking that it would be a bloodbath.

I’m not going to say that she didn’t bite anyone because several members in my family think they can get up and walk around any old time they want.

I will say she worked very hard to welcome those that knew how to follow instructions.

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Here she is sharing the afternoon with Julie and Dan

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Loving it up with Lily and Cheryl (during the few times Lily behaved herself and wasn’t running willy nilly)

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And here she is helping her Aunt Marcia put on her make up.

The truth is this was the best Thanksgiving we’ve had in years.

I have a good family.