948. I’d like an objective opinion

If someone has their Wall Street Journal delivered to the ground outside their house are they or aren’t they just asking for dogs to pee on it?

Well the guy at 222 East 58 St. certainly has an opinion on that subject.

My hearing isn’t what it once was but I think that he called me a “punt” as Ray and I walked away.

I have a busy day today doing what I do best, ordering people around.

Miss Liz had her apartment painted and her floors  replaced. Since it’s all done I am overseeing the return of her furniture, some of which is stored in my apartment.

I’m sure if I “lose ” a few things she won’t know the difference.

Miss Liz’ parents were the fanciest people I’ve ever known.

I once told her that, adding that “they are like the Kennedys”.

She looked at me as though I had said that her father looked exactly like some guy I saw jerking off in the soup.

Lizzie is pretty fancy too. She has stuff to do any kind of thing you’d imagine. Say you wanted to serve artichokes. She has plates ONLY for artichokes.

Also she has dishes (salad, main and dessert) for 50. Heaven forbid a paper plate should touch her table.

I could go on and on in this vein but you get what I mean.

I’m going to have to fix up my apartment too.

Julie’s new book “The Stars In Our Eyes”, a laugh riot, is coming out in July and I’m planning on having a book party to celebrate. I want to make it spiffy.

It won’t do for parts of my ceiling to fall down on the heads of the literati.

Maybe I’ll serve artichokes.

I may be coming into some artichoke plates pretty soon at least that’s what I’m guessing.


967. I may be happy today

I am trying to figure out why.

1. My dog was sick for about a week. Not eating and looking more depressed than usual. He’s totally back to himself. He ate 3 meals yesterday and barked at me all during “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”. Here he is preparing to romp.romp

2. Some judge called trump a stupid, lying, racist fuckface (I’m pretty sure that was the wording but I’m no lawyer) and refused to let him keep our tired and poor out of MY COUNTRY.

3. My shrink had changed my crazy pills but she changed them back when I asked her to sign a form so that I could “pack heat”.

Any one of those things could be it.

This snow should be getting me down but interestingly it isn’t. It’s given me a chance to get back to my alphabetical list of who’d I’d marry.

I have no A. B is Bon Jovi. C is Mark Cuban. D is and always will be Dylan.

That’s as far as I got. I think I’ll wait to see if any of those guys takes the bait before I use any of my diminishing brain granules on E or F.

Oh by the by I have a new way of making friends. When I pass anyone in the snow I say “Isn’t this weather nutty?”.

I figure it’s only a matter of time before someone asks me to trade digits.

I haven’t heard from David since my last post. It can’t be that I insulted him. I never do anything else. I guess he just got bored with me.

Maybe I should text him and ask him if he thinks the weather is nutty.