994. Ya gotta take the disgusting with the good.

Posted on May 30, 2018 by 67anddumped

Guess who came over last night.

David, my old neighbor! It really was so good to see him.

I’ve always been kind of proud of myself for liking him even though he’s the worst person I’ve ever known but on this visit David called his friend who makes him seem like Mother Teresa.

More about that later.

When he called and said he’d be in town and would come over for a drink I warned him that I had a new dog who doesn’t always welcome strangers.

Debbie is a complicated personality.

When you first come in, especially if you’re male, she will try to kill you. She’ll jump on you and attempt to bite you.

If you don’t make any sudden moves and just sit down quietly she will lull you into a kind of comfort and sit with you and even kiss you.

dog up

She might even take a little nap near you.

david frown

In fact even if you insult her she will be quite playful

If you misread that you are home safe it will be at your own peril.

Only a fool will try to go to the bathroom or scratch their head and expect to do so unscathed.

Anyway it was wonderful seeing David.

He’s had his fill with Texas. Not for any reason that a human being would have their fill of Texas like their gun laws and shit but because he isn’t getting enough yucks there.

We were reminiscing about the people we knew and his friend David L. came up. I won’t mention his last name mainly because I won’t be saying anything good about him and he might have family that loves him and would take offense. I doubt it but anything is possible.

I knew David L. only though texts etc. Through the years he’s given me a few laughs and since we were on our second drinks I suggested we give him a call which we did.

He seemed pleased that David and I were together again.

I explained that

“Since trump’s election I found that David wasn’t a funny aberration but a large part of the country so we’d lost touch. But we’re back together again”

I was pleased to add that David did not vote for trump and felt that weapons of war should not be on the streets. He also said guns shouldn’t be sold to ” loonies, children, felons and people on the no fly list.”

He wanted me to add one other no gun person but I can’t write it because I’m not a complete animal.

He’s almost acceptable except he’s okay with almost anything if it puts money in his pocket. And I mean anything. He’s also a gun carrying bigot who hated Obama with a passion.

I take it back. He isn’t acceptable.

I have to keep reminding myself that he was so good to me when dave ran away.

Anyway David L. says “Well I did vote for trump and I think he’s doing a great job.”

“You can’t really mean that”

“Sure do.”

He had more to say but I was too busy gagging to hear him

This guy lives in California. One of the good states. I wonder if he has any friends.

993. Some beautiful Mother’s Day stories

Posted on May 14, 2018 by 67anddumped

I was in my teens. My boyfriend of 4 years, Jerry Esposito, had broken up with me and I was very depressed.

I walked in on my mother while she was taking a bath.

“Ma, I think I want to see a therapist.”

She didn’t miss a beat.

“Why? He’ll just tell you what I’ve been telling you for years. You’re too fresh”

I shrugged and backed out.

The night before my wedding my mother called me into her room.

“Get me my jewelry box.”

“Yay” I said to myself.

My mother had really nice jewelry and she was clearly going to give me something.

I sat on the bed and watched while she opened the box and examined each piece carefully.

Then she closed the box, got up and put it back on her dresser.

I realized she liked all of it more than she thought she did .

I just shrugged and backed out.

I was about 7.

The doorbell rang.

I hid behind my mother’s legs while my two friends, Annie and Teresa in unison tattled on me.

“Mattie tore the sash of Annie’s dress”

“I’ll talk to her”

I was more than a little nervous.

She closed the door, looked down at me, patted me on the head and said

“Good girl”

I was in the third grade.

The class was lining up to go out to lunch.

I got yelled out for talking. Miss Lynch said she would keep me in for lunch.

I wasn’t a thin child plus my mother was waiting outside to take me home to eat so missing lunch was catastrophic.

The line was dismissed and I left with them.

When I got to my mothers car I burst into tears.

“What happened?”

“Miss Lynch said she was going to keep me in for lunch” I sobbed.

My mother got out of the car and grabbed my wrist and walked quickly towards the school.

“Who does she think she is? I’ll wipe up the floor with her.”

I will never forget those words.

My mother was a force to be reckoned with.

She was almost 6 feet tall (everyone in my family is except me. I could never reach the wall phone. My mother used to say she made me with leftovers.)

Anyway back to the drama.

Miss Lynch turned white as my mother entered P.S. 81.

“Mattie said you were going to keep her in for lunch.”

“Oh no no.” she said smiling. “She’s just a little talkative. I wouldn’t do that.” She patted me on the cheek.

Home we went for my delicious soggy tomato sandwich.

When it was time to go back to school I told my mother I was scared to go back after the incident.

“Don’t worry. Here’s a bag of tootsie rolls for the class”

I slunk in the classroom (is that a word?) and walked up to Miss Lynch and quietly mumbled

“My mother sent these tootsie rolls for the class”

I expected anything but her reaction.

“How nice. You can give them out but first let me taste one to make sure they’re as good as they look” and she winked.

It was at that moment I knew my mother was all powerful.

My mother wearing some of her very nice jewelry.

She both scared me and made me laugh more than any person I’ve ever known.

I miss her every day.

992. Ka-Ching

Posted on May 8, 2018 by 67anddumped

Sure money isn’t as loose as it could be but that has nothing to do with my new plan.

When you find something you’re good at that you really enjoy doing you should make that your calling.

And why not make a few bucks at it.

I’ve decided to open a dog training academy.

I’ve had Debbie for a few weeks.

When she came she was quiet and clung to me constantly. She spent the day sleeping and watching me.

Under my tutelage she is a new dog.

She’s able to express herself and spread her wings.

You shouldn’t have to “guess” what a well trained dog is feeling.

For example: If I go out and leave her home, when I return I see that she has gone through the garbage and kicked around her wee wee pads so they become a wet crinkly ball on the other side of the room as if t say “I too like and outing even if you’re going to the dentist.

garbage