If you have any wish to continue liking me stop reading this now.

Well that’s not exactly true.

It’s just the coat part.

The second half about my fucked up Thanksgiving is fairly readable without disgust.

Part 1

Let me tell you about the wonder that is the Norma Kamali Sleeping Bag coat.

It is fluffy and LIGHT AS A FEATHER and really warm

When I was married I bought at least 4 of these coats or jackets.

Two of them were for my sister Phyllis who was battling cancer and needed something to cheer her up.

(You think you like me now but wait.)

And a jacket and a coat for me.

My then husband Dave was very generous and loved my sister.

Then he ran away and took my thoughts of new Kamali crap with him especially since these coats had more than doubled in price.

The other day my niece Julie sent me a text that Norma K’s sleeping bag coats were half price.

Even at 1/2 price they still weren’t cheap so I said “I don’t really need one even though my old one had torn pockets.

I had more important things to spend my money on.

But I couldn’t resist looking at them.

Then Norma, spotting my interest, kept putting ads for the coat on Facebook and almost everything I looked at on my computer.

I’m weak, I admit.

Ignoring the part of the ad that said no returns and no exchanges, like anyone could ever find fault with these coats, I ordered it.

I rationalized that I hadn’t bought myself anything luxurious in 10 years and dreamed about how toasty and cute I was going to look.

The coat came.

It weighed 1000 lbs.

Yeah it was fluffy and warm but when I tried it on I fell forward 6 times.

I almost had to call my Super to come up and lift the coat off me so I could stand.

I hate that no exchanges, no returns coat.

And I’m glad that I hate it. If I just found it disappointing, I’d wear it sometime. This way I can pretend it doesn’t exist.

That may not seem like a sad story to most of you but if there are any New York Jews out there you feel my pain.

2.

As always I invited my family for Thanksgiving.

I was expecting 16 people.

The day before I noticed my floor warping near my terrace door.

I could go into how it turned from a slight warping to a huge flood but I’m all tired out from the Kamali shit so I’ll give you the highlights.

My super Lester and the plumbers were in my house and on my terrace with sledge hammers for the next two days.

Looking for sympathy I kept telling the plumber that I was having 16 people for dinner.

“So you’ll have 18”.

And when he came the next morning with 3 more of his workers he said “Or 20”.

I will put pictures of the situation in case you’re still reading this.

And Here’s Debby trying to help them fix it