I know it used to be Truth but if the moment comes to take a bow you’ve got to seize it.
When you people sit down safely tonight to enjoy your chicken and latkas (that’s for the Jews, the rest of you will be eating some kind of pork with mayonnaise) you will have me to thank.
My quick thinking and my ability to act under pressure came into play this morning.
I was walking Raymond as usual.
I turned the corner of 59th Street and Second avenue when I spot out of the corner of my eye THREE UNACCOMPANIED SUITCASES in an alcove.
I know most of you would ignore this and keep walking. “After all,” you would say to yourselves “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Well not me. I am not just my brother’s keeper, I am my City’s keeper and it is my job to fight crime and keep you people safe (Not you people from goofy states, like Michigan, just regular states like NEW YORK.)
Besides the U.N. is in session and you can’t be too careful. What if someone from a hostile land decided to take out Bloomingdales’ which was right down the street?
So what do I do? I tell Ray “Ray this is our time to get involved” He gives me his smartest look.
This is a picture of his smart look. It’s from when he was sitting in my chair but picture him giving me that look in the street. I was too busy saving the future of humanity to snap him at the time but believe me this was his expression.
I did what anyone (well not anyone, me) would do. I called the traffic cop over and pointed out the offending suitcases. After all “If you see something, say something” (I know you were waiting for that)
The officer, traffic cops like when you call them “officer”, looked over and said ” Now you’re scaring me”
He looked like he was gonna make a run for it when a police car stopped at the light.
“I’m only traffic. These guys can help you better” He slowly backed away from me, and the suitcases, and pointed to the cop car.
I told my tale to them.
They took it all in, put on their flashing lights and got out of the car.
The driver started to walk over to the suitcases. I said “You’re not going to touch them are you?”
He kept walking. I turned to the other cop and said “What say you and I run around the block while he’s doing that”
He mumbled “I’d like to.This is my first day “.
The first cop started to open the zipper on one of the cases. He put his hand in and said “Eww it’s filled with dirty clothes”
He came over to his partner and said “Give me the Purell”.
“You don’t know for a fact that there isn’t a bomb under those clothes” I wasn’t quite ready to let it go.
But Ray was. He started pulling me towards the tree so he could cop a squat.
I figured I’d done all I could do so I moved on. When I got down to Third Avenue I looked back and their lights were still flashing and the two guys were deep in conversation.
You could look at this one of two ways, 1. The suitcases were filled with harmless dirty clothes and owned by a homeless person or 2. The dirty clothes were there to disgust you and put you off the track so you wouldn’t dig deeper to find the hell that was beneath them and we’re all lucky that there are people in this City brave enough to step up to the plate and save the day much as Derek Jeter did last night in his final game with the Yankees.
I choose 2.
You can’t see me but I’m taking a bow.