As those who know me or follow me can attest, though I am beautiful and brilliant I do have one or two flaws.

For example I watch dumb person TV.

Many in my family have been quite cruel in making fun of me for this.

I won’t mention the names Julie and Marcia because those of you that put me on a pedestal might turn against them.

In fact I have never responded on ‘Reality Blurb’ (my favorite) or ‘About the Tea’ no matter how hot under the collar I get because if either of them were to see my name in print on the comment section there would be ridicule like you wouldn’t believe.

They would say I sullied their name which is stupid because their name is Klam and my name is Matthews.

Oops have I given up too much?

Anyway watching Below Deck last night put me in such a state that I felt I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t give Captain Sandy and Malia a stern tongue lashing in print.

What to do? What to do?

Eureka! It came to me in a flash!

I can use my same email address with a compatible name.

So I was finally free to speak my piece and live the American dream!!!

So from now on astute and clever comments will come from my email address in the name of ..wait for it…dave matthews.

Now Zen

I have to admit that I wasn’t that unhappy about this whole staying home and not seeing anybody thing.

At least that’s what I thought.

Last night I had kind of a party and it was wonderful

Allan and Susan Schwartzberg and Dave and Ronnie Taylor came over and we had a mostly socially distant get together.

We had cocktails on the terrace and sent out for indian food and had a wonderful time.

It was pretty close to perfect.

Of course there were a few bumps.

We were talking about old times as long time friends do.

As you all know I’m not one to hold a grudge but when I happened to mention the time Dave made me carry his bass trombone IN A HARD TRAVELING CASE because he had a “bad back”, I believe it was late ’84, Dave claimed that there were wheels on that case, a fact that I knew to be a lie.

He was lucky I couldn’t touch him because a bitch slapping would have been on the menu along with the pappadum.

And it’s possible that Susan might have gotten a little hot under the collar when she asked Al to get her more wine and I remarked that it was like she had a butler.

Her response “I do plenty of things for you too. Don’t I Al”

He looked up from polishing her shoes and answered “Sure you do. Sue”.

I personally have never seen her do anything for him but I let that slide.

Oh wait, I think I remember him asking her to pass him the salt and she did.

That was in ’08, I remember it clearly.

Debby was having a wonderful time. She loves company.

Drinks were flowing.

I vaguely remember Ronnie asking me to call my dog because she was eating her pants but I may be wrong.

I know Debby had pants for lunch so she was probably just licking some indian food that Ronnie dropped.

It was a magical evening. I hope to do it again soon.

Now Zen

I might even call it catastrophic!

I get the flyer from Costco saying that they once again have the Heathy Choice Fudge Pops that Debby and I both enjoy.

Saying “enjoy” is meaningless.  I should have said NEED.

I can’t tell you how happy that made me. You see they were out of them last time I was there.

I know, I know there are bigger problems in the world  yadda yadda yadda . I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure there are some.

Back to my tragedy.

As you all know I rarely leave my house except for emergencies.

So I’m on line , in my mask and gloves naturally, with a few non essentials,  batteries for my iron lung, socks and the 4 boxes of pops that I have secured.

When to my horror the check out guy removes THREE of my four boxes from my cart and he says, as if he was just passing the time of day,

“Only one to a customer”

When I got up from the floor, I’m light as a feather since I’ve been out of my favorite dessert for months, so only two rather small gentlemen helped to pick me up.

I think I’ll cut to the chase. No amount of pleading helped. I even limped over to the manager to make my case to no avail.

I know I should have thrown the iron lung batteries and the socks on the floor and stomped out but I really need socks.

Just to prove how wronged I was when I relayed th story to my friend David, who is without doubt the worst person in the world, he was shocked.

“There’s a limit on fudge pops due to the pandemic (oh yeah that’s one of the problems that I couldn’t remember before)??? It’s not like it’s masks or disinfection wipes, Pops???”

I believe I have made my case.

I’m quite sure that anyone who knows me even on Facebook or Twitter will boycott Costco until they change their draconian rules.

But for now I give you… Zen.