I was walking Debby yesterday and I passed a woman about my age not wearing a mask.

She smiled sweetly at my dog.

I smiled back and pointed to my own mask.

Her face immediately changed and into a snarl she said “Why SHOULD I wear one?”

I said “To protect me” but she just walked away.

I’m beginning to see not wearing a mask as  political. Probably not completely but sort of.

I also want to say something about being old.

I find that most people are nicer to me.

Almost like they were when I was in my twenties.

Don’t think on any way that I am embracing old age. That couldn’t be further from the truth. (Is it further or farther?)

I am in constant shock when I happen to see myself in  a store mirror.  I was always the youngest in my family and it’s so hard to believe I’m this old.

I remember visiting my grandmother. She wasn’t really my grandmother, she was my grandmother’s second wife.

We were alone in her apartment and she was showing me all the bright color dresses she had in her closet.

“See? In my mind I’m not old. I”m seventeen in my head”

Years later she was in a home way out in Long Island and she asked to see her sisters.

I offered to drive them out.

I had a Studebaker Lark.  A really little car.

One of them smoked and both insisted on sitting in the front seat with the windows closed.

We were squeezed like that for almost 2 hours.

When the three of them got together they were no different than my sisters and me, laughing and talking.

Just before we left my grandmother asked me to give her the picture of my grandfather what was in the dresser.

It seems that the nurse had taken it away from her because they felt it made her sad.

I gave it to her and we left.

It was the last time they saw each other.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I haven’t thought about it in years.

Old age I guess.

Now Zen

I was sitting in my living room having my cocktail and reading my book when I heard “Black Lives Matter” shouted from the street.

They were marching up Third Avenue.  I live on the corner of Third Avenue and 58th St.

As I’ve mentioned before I’m 76 and I’m terrified of this virus.

I haven’t touched or seen in person any member of my family or friends in months.

I haven’t gone to any marches because I’m afraid of being with a lot of people in crowds.

But this was different.

They were coming to pick me up.

I could matter again.

I tried to convince myself that I had done my part in the sixties facing police on horses in riot gear with no fear in my heart.

(Actually that’s a lie. I was scared to death and I seriously thought of running home.)

I looked at Debby.

“We’re going out to join the March !”

But first I had to put on pants.

And shoes.

And a mask.

And Debbie’s halter and leash.

My BLM shirt has not arrived but I was wearing a Hillary shirt so that would have to do.

I got in the elevator and went down to the lobby.

My doorman pointed uptown and said “They went that way”

I ran outside.

(That’s a lie. I never run anywhere anymore)

The March was about 3 blocks uptown.

I tried to catch up to them. I really did.

Debby peeing every few feet didn’t add to my speed.

Finally I gave up and  went home.

Black Lives Matter but maybe I don’t matter any more.

Anyway…Zen

Since the Black Lives Matter demonstrations there have been no trash cans on NYC streets.

For someone who has to pick up doody twice on any walk, not mine, Debby’s, I took notice of that.

It was a slight inconvenience but not one I couldn’t handle.

I could dispose of my little bags in trees limbs, the shopping bags of someone staring at their phone while walking or even the gaping pockets of someone I’d ask for directions or the time.

I thought I missed them but today the trash cans returned and I was upset.

I guess they think the demonstrations are over.

Is it because they think that Black Lives really mattered when we had nothing better to do but now that some people are back to work not so much?

If that’s what they think they’re wrong.  I saw people from all walks of life on those marches, determined people.

I know I see George Floyd’s anguished face in my dreams and I’m not alone.

No one knows how to be pissed off like our youth.

Very many of those marchers were young and they won’t let it be put on the back burner.

Neither will I.

Now Zen

It’s not as crazy as it seems. There have been snails in the plants on my terrace for years.

But what drew this guy/girl to come into the house and to climb up the wall?

And Debby has been chasing flies around the place (I assume to kiss them) for about a week.

I’m no specialist on the matter but could this be the animal world hinting that “someone” should vacuum?

I know they can’t mean me because as everyone knows you can’t vacuum from your bed.

I am a bit of a detective so I took out my magnifying glass and toured the compound.

Could a piece of pizza by the couch and half of a banana under the dining room table be the problem?

Nah.

True the snail did appear to have a small bite of brownie on it’s lips

On second thought it couldn’t have been brownie.

The brownie was on the floor in the kitchen.

Even a determined snail couldn’t have carried the brownie from the kitchen into the dining room and up the wall.

It had to be old banana.

I’d better lie down.

That was exhausting.

But not too exhausted to give you a bit of Zen

My new tee shirt says Black Lives Matter.

I can’t do what I did in the 60’s.

I can’t demonstrate and march because

1. I go to sleep too early and
2. I’m afraid I’ll get punched.

So even though the world has turned to shit and it seems that many people in power are using that power to hurt people and do damage to our brothers, our air and our rights as Americans I can show that to this old Jew Black Lives do Matter to me.

On another note…

Guess what I got for my birthday in January from my niece Stephanie..

A DNA test for Debby.  I just got it back.

It seems she’s 80% Chihuahua, 10-20% Jack Russell.

But here’s the real surprise.

She’s only half Jewish.

The other half is, wait for it, Vegetarian.

So the mystery of why that radish found it’s way into my bed is finally solved.

Now for whatever Zen is available

This is why it doesn’t pay to clean up.

Zen

But there will be no real Zen until black mothers don’t have to tell their sons to fear police.

I’m not going to say I have trouble sleeping exactly.

I used to fall asleep with spit coming out of my mouth in recording studios with a 13 piece band playing out of those giant speakers.

I’m still sleeping okay. I just wake up in the night because I think of something unpleasant in my past.

It’s like before you die your life flashes before you.

But it’s rarely happy moments. Usually it’s humiliating times or unpleasant things I’ve gone through or done.

I’m 76 and I’ve never been the “think before you act” kind of girl so there are plenty of them.

But last night it was a little different.  It didn’t have to do with me at all.

It was my father and my sister Iris.

This thing was so shocking that when I mentioned it to my sister Marcia just now on the phone.  Her reaction was the same as it was maybe 60 years ago.  There was a hush and then she said in a breathy voice “What was she thinking?”

First let me describe my father.

He was everything you’d want your father to be.

He was smart and kind and generous.

He was also the kind of guy that was always properly dressed.

If he was in pajamas, it was always with a robe and slippers.

I probably couldn’t pick his feet out in a line up.

Maybe it was because we were a family of all girls.

He was quite impressive personally.  I’ve never seen anyone treat him in any way but with respect. Here’s a picture of him.

In fact for future edification here is my whole family. The sisters in order of age from left to right.

Iris, Phyllis, my mother, my father, Marcia and me.

Old pictures but you get the idea.

So here’s the thing I was talking about.

Iris was walking behind my father going up the stairs.

And she goosed him!

As she told me about it later. It wasn’t even a little goose. It was a deep one.

“Are you crazy??” I asked.

“I think maybe momentarily. I don’t know what I was thinking” she said.

“What did he do?”

“He jumped and kind of squeaked ”

We vowed never to speak or even think of it again.

And we didn’t until it jumped into my psyche this morning.

I really miss my sister Iris.

I miss my dad too.

Now, because I’ve got the willies just thinking about it.

Zen

Whew I never knew how energizing a three day weekend  could be.

I’m all tuckered out both physically and mentally.

Yesterday I brought the vacuum into the living room.

You see I dropped a glass there about two weeks ago.

Luckily I was able to cover the shards with a wee wee pad so it didn’t interfere with my dancing.

I’m pretty sure that sometime before Labor Day I’ll be able to put that vacuum to good use.

Busy busy busy.

I believe I’ve told you about my friend David.

He moved back from Texas and now lives in Connecticut.

Last night we were having one of our telephone cocktail chats.

On that call he told me that I’m one of his closest friends and I had to admit that he’s one of mine.

Here’s the interesting thing about that.

I despise him and everything he stands for. He really is a despicable person.

Yet he is in fact one of my best friends and I am one of his.

He never makes me feel better either. He remembers and is pleased to remind me of every misstep I’ve ever taken.

Just last night he reminded me that when I got engaged to dave my mother warned me that it was just a matter of time before he called me a dirty Jew.

My mom had a way with words. She was quite the kidder.

I think maybe this friendship is the secret that the Sphinx has been keeping hidden.

I’m seriously thinking of going to Whole Foods today.  Alone since you know….. banned.

We haven’t been out of each other’s sight in months.  I don’t know how I’m going to break it to her.

Although I am my mother’s daughter.

I could tell her that if she wasn’t such a fuck up she could come with me.

I know the dirty Jew thing comforted me.

Now Zen

Number one I am not industrious.

Everyone I talk to is putting this time to good use or at least to use.

My sister who is 6 years older than me is mowing her lawn and tidying the desk full of crap near her front door.

Julie is running up and down steps in the park.

Even my friend Susan who’s stuck in that hell hole Florida. Every time she calls me she’s on a walk.

I wasn’t always like this.

At the start of this at home thing I was sitting in my chair watching TV (Either Bravo or Psych) and I noticed that the dresser on which my TV rests was really dusty.

What did I do?

I got right up and went to get that duster thing and dusted that dresser.

This wasn’t easy. It wasn’t just a swipe.

I had things on that dresser.

I had my cable box, a VCR, my mother’s sewing basket that had a packet of free needles from Shopwell in it and a comb.

I had to do a lot of navigating.

But I did it.

Now here it is about 28 or so days later and guess what?

It’s all dusty again so that was all in vain.

You won’t catch me doing all that again.

As for now I think I’ll just enjoy this Zen

I’m torn between hating the Amazon guy, Jeff something, and buying everything from Amazon.

I treat Amazon like a great book.

It’s my “War and Peace”.

Here’s why having a blog is great. I can make you believe anything I want about me.

The few people that read this and actually know me are aware that I would never read “War and Peace” unless the world ran out of People magazines.

Anyway I only order things I really need like yesterday I ordered a weeder with wheels.

And I’ve got to keep Debby from staring at me all the time so I am continually ordering her these chew sticks.

The problem with them is she only likes the string of dried chicken that is wrapped around them. The rest of them she leaves around the house.

And this morning I woke up and found this on my bed.

Where’d she get the popcorn? Has she been going to the movies without me?

I haven’t had popcorn in over a week.

I wonder if this is the Universe telling me to vacuum?

Nah, I’ll go with the movie thing.

Maybe this isn’t the right place to say this but I’m so scared that trump will succeed in keeping people from voting and no one will stop him.

So thats why I need this Zen as much as you do.