It’s very possible that people will want me to leave my house.

That’s going to be a problem since to me the best part of this pandemic was that no one expected me to go anywhere.

Don’t get me wrong. I walked my dog but that’s about it.

I’ve always been a “stay at home” kind of person.

I mean I did go to restaurants once in a while but if that restaurant wasn’t within 2 blocks of my house..nada.

Bear with me. If you spent a year learning and speaking french at the end of the year would you start speaking pig latin?”

I don’t think so.

Case closed.

It’s not like I don’t have a load of extra time.

As I’ve said before, I watch Bridgerton every day but since it’s only the naked parts that doesn’t take up more than an hour or so.

And the return of Temptation Island doesn’t eat up more than an hour a week so I have lots of time for thinking.

Which is a double edged sword.

I think of things I’ve done or said or not done or said that still give me the willies.

The list is incredibly long.

But I also remember things that made me laugh.

Like the guy who when he was late to a recording session gave as his reason that his wife caught him jerking off and he had to screw her.

I also have so much time to ruminate about every decision.

For example this morning I have my first dentist appointment in a year. Was it thoughtless of me to have gefilte fish for breakfast?

Maybe the horse radish pushes the needle a bit over to the rude side.

Now… Double Zen

Now that I don’t have to keep a constant watch on the White House I can do some of the things that I’ve put on the back burner for 4 years.

I’ve decided to start speaking with an english accent and no it’s not because of Bridgerton.

This will be no mean feat. I’ve been told that I have a bit of a Bronx twang.

I’ve worked pretty hard to get rid of it without much success.

Well that’s not entirely true.

For example I would never say “youse” to less than 6 people any more.

I’m thinking pronunciation may give me a bit of a problem so I’ve wigged out a way around that.

I’m using a lot of British words like shant and blimey.

Never again will I “drop a deuce”.

From now on I shall “clock in at the loo”.

Or is it the lift?

Not that it matters. I don’t know any english people so I’ll just sound fancy to my friends here in the good old USA.

I’ve also been worrying about this thing with Lady Gaga’s dogs.

How do I know that there aren’t blokes (hear that?) itching for shrieky dogs that bite?

Maybe I should chip her. Not the one that I’d have with fish but the dog finding one.

Who wouldn’t want this bird? Get it? Bird not girl?

In my last post I mentioned the tattoo on my doorman’s back.

My friend Mary asked me how I saw my doorman’s back.

I told her that he showed it to me while we were kissing but in reality I have no idea how I saw it.

I do know that he showed it to me and my nieces Sadie and Lily quite a few years ago but I don’t know in what context.

Another thing on my plate is the vaccine.

I finally got an appointment to get the vaccine at the Javits Center tomorrow at 2:45.

Now if you’re not from NYC (and I have no idea why you wouldn’t be) you may not know that tomorrow at 2:45 is the peak hour that a dangerous snow storm will hit the City.

Now after weeks of trying to get an appointment I’m being laughed at by the gods.

Woe is me.

Zen

My tattooed doorman and the princess

I know that you are all lying awake worrying about why I haven’t written recently.

Well let me give you comfort. I have nothing of interest to say.

Since January 20th my fear of America going down the toilet has lessened considerably even with those nuts doing what they did to the Capital.

I’m spending much of my time going on line trying to get a vaccine. I’m 77 so I better get one soon or….

The rest of my day is spent watching Bridgerton, well parts of it.

Much of my family finds this reprehensible, not you Marcia or Cheryl.

That’s nothing new though.

My Housewives of many lands addiction has put me at the bottom of the brains list in my family for years.

Since I have a little extra time I use it to plan my exit.

Remember I said I’m 77.

I’m thinking of offering a place in my will if either my Doorman or my Superintendent will tattoo my face somewhere on their bodies when I die.

Probably it won’t be my Super because his tattoos are shit.

They look like he did them himself when he was drunk.

But my Doorman, he’s got his tattoos going.

On his back he has a lovely portrait of 3 of his 6 children.

It seems like slipping my face in there would only enhance it.

The man is constantly in the hospital with one thing or another yet he had time to have 6 kids.

I’ve often commented that the only thing that works on him is his dick.

I’ve spent enough time on this blog.

The Duke awaits.

That isn’t to say that I can’t give you some Zen

Look plenty of people like to eat in bed.

.

Normally I’d be having lunch with my bff’s Susan and Ronny and dinner with a bunch of my family.

But not today.

Still I woke up to a lovely gift from Georgia.

I had a Call from Stephanie with a song. She followed it up with “How old are you anyway?”

“Seventy seven”

“Whoa, that’s old” she said

Then Julie called and sang and reminded me that I have the same birthday as Eric trump.

So that’s it for answering my phone.

So I guess I’ll just have a Covid birthday.

Have breakfast, walk my dog, watch the hot parts of Bridgerton a few times and finish the day with the melodious voice of vice president pense declaring that Joe Biden is the next President of the United States.

It will be so nice to use capital letters again.

So because it’s my birthday here’s 2 Zen pictures

As you all know I have always been a strict Bravo fan.

I love all the Housewives and any other show that Bravo has to offer with a special affection for Reunions.

Well a new show has come into my repertoire.

But first, a bit of background.

My niece and nephew and their 2 daughters from Annapolis came to spend 3 days with me this week.

They were all tested before the trip.

A fine time was had by all.

My niece, Cheryl, has come alone many times because she is a writer and her agent is here in New York.

Because she frequently stays longer than she says she’s going to stay because as she says “She’s no trouble” we have worked out a routine.

She writes all day and we watch TV every night, usually movies.

On this trip most of the family kept themselves busy while she and I fell into our usual pattern.

We decided to watch the first episode of “Bridgerton”.

Interestingly enough it so held our interest that we watched the entire series. This took a bit more than 6 hours.

Come the next night one or two parts were not perfectly clear to us so we decided to watch it again. Since we didn’t have 6 hours to spare we decided to pare it down by limiting any scene that didn’t have the Duke in it.

We very cleverly cut our TV watching time to about an hour and a half.

Come the next night both Cheryl and I still had some unanswered questions about the plot. We realized that it wouldn’t be prudent to go away with a lack of knowledge about those historical times but the family was starting to get ugly. I believe they wanted dinner or something.

By pretending that we were hanging curtains in my bedroom we were able to really cut our Bridgerton time down to about 21 minutes by fast forwarding any scene that didn’t have the Duke’s shirt off.

I just hope that watching all this historical drama doesn’t make me sort of a nerd.

As a special end of the year gift to youse I am having 3 photos of Debby in my Zen, One with my nephew Brian. One with my niece Cheryl and one in her stunning new snow suit.

A happy and healthy New Year to you all

Yesterday started off pretty good.

Julie and I went to Costco in New Jersey.

Don’t worry we were gloved and masked.

We got a little lost on the way thanks to my sister calling us thereby making us miss 9 exits.

But I digress. Julie and I are always happy to spend time together. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing.

Anyway the day went swimmingly. We laughed and talked and bought everything we needed .

I hope my family won’t read this because since I live alone and everything you buy there comes in either vats or cases they can expect bottles of Clorox or cans of pinto beans for their next few birthdays.

Anyway I get home feeling pretty good and if I do say so myself looking fine with my knee length hair up in a bun and the smile on my face that only comes with having enough batteries to light up the Brooklyn Bridge.

I get in the elevator and a man gets in with me. I permit it because he’s wearing a mask as am I.

The door closes and he says to me “I’m assuming you’ll be one of the first people to get the vaccine. Will you take it?”

He might as well have said “Would you mind pushing your wrinkles aside so I can get to the button for my floor?”

I didn’t want to show any reaction.

Since I am quite a good actress I’m quite sure he bought my explanation for my sobs that they were for the fact that Costco was out of tube socks.

Maybe this Zen picture of Debby half asleep will cheer me up.

I have been depending on my Super a bit more than I should.

In fact after the toilet incident the very next day he had to come up because the outside water on my terrace wouldn’t turn off after I had my nephew follow his instructions to the letter.

After turning off the water he left.

I immediately threw my nephew under the bus.

Something wasn’t right.

I started looking at the previous texts and it was clear my nephew did as he was instructed by Lester’s text.

I immediately wrote to Lester.

So yesterday was a new day.

Unfortunately last night my new toilet wouldn’t flush.

Woe is me.

How could I ask Lester to come up a third time after turning on him like that.

I tossed and turned all night trying to come up with something.

Eureka!

First thing this morning I sent him the following text.

Obviously falling for my ruse he immediately answered after I comforted him that the job wouldn’t be unpleasant.

I guess all relationships have ups and downs.

Your Zen today will be a photo that Lester will claim was when Debby threw the rags in the toilet.

As I might have told you my nephew Jim is coming today to connect my new magic toilet which promises to make toilet paper a thing of the past while polishing my nails and combing my hair.

Since Jim is by trade a lawyer I thought I’d give him a little help by preparing his workspace by removing the old toilet seat.

No mean feat. However since I have a BA in Fine Arts I felt I could handle it.

The screws holding it on just wouldn’t budge so I figured giving them a few hard whacks with a wrench would do the trick.

No dice.

However I did notice quite a bit of water coming out of that big thing that the toilet is attached to.

It being Sunday I knew I couldn’t ask my Super to come up and save the day….or could I?

I sent him a text.

“I know you’re not working today but my toilet is really leaking”

He immediately answered “Yikes I’ll be right up”

Even though I was wearing heavy nightclothes I did change into my street attire because as you know I had promised him to always be properly dressed in case I drop dead so he wouldn’t have to see me naked.

When he came in I explained what had happened.

“Do you think I broke the toilet?”

“Probably”

Can you fix it so that my nephew can put on the new one?”

“I’ll put the new one on”

And he proceeded to do just that.

Before he started I made him watch the video with connection instructions.

I could see he wasn’t really paying attention.

Luckily I had hired someone to help him since this clearly wasn’t a one man job.

Remember when I said that he wasn’t really paying attention to the instructions?

It clearly said that when you test it water might squirt out of the toilet

Your
Zen today is the following video.

Oops

I took a movie of my super Lester getting squirted in the face when he tested the toilet proving that he didn’t give that training video the attention it deserved but it didn’t come out so you’ll just have to settle with another photo of Debby where she is resting after a hard days work.

My niece Stephanie has a pond on her property.

She was walking near said pond when she saw a snake tangled up in the kind of netting that goes around onions.

Even though she agrees with all if us that snakes are icky, she picked up the snake and tried to untangle it.

All this while her 3 dogs were jumping up on her and barking for a snake snack.

She got most of the netting off when the ungrateful snake bit her and she dropped it.

It slithered away (ick) into the pond.

I know what you’re thinking.

“She is so proud because her niece saved a snake hence the title of this blog.”

Wrong.

Yes I was impressed and proud of Stephanie.

Because of this I recounted the story to the rest of the family.

A few days later my other niece Julie sent Steph a text:

“Oh Steph, I sent you a present, did you get it ? It was wrapped in a fruit bag by your pond.”

So I wrote to Steph

“Julie’s text made me laugh and laugh”

And Steph wrote back:

“I know. And when I read only the first sentence I got so excited that she got me a present I couldn’t figure out how she deposited in my pond. Hysterical”

I know it’s a small thing but for some reason That snake story has really hit me as perfect.

I wake up in the middle of the night and start laughing at even the idea of sending someone a snake as a gift.

I’m so lucky and now so are you because….Zen