I had plans last night to go to dinner with friends.

We were meeting at a vegan restaurant.

Although I’m saintly in almost every other way I’m not a vegan. I prefer vegetarian but I don’t like fake meat.

I looked at the menu of this place on line and it seemed like everything was almost food. It was shaped like food but not quite food. More importantly the website said there would be a wine list added later.

Anyhoo, I was thinking of backing out because I had been out all day with my nieces but I really love the people that I was going with, Susan and Allan, Rocker( if I could put little hearts around Rocker’s name I would) and his wife, Shirley( I love her too) and John Doumanian who might just be the funniest guy alive. He rubs elbows with the stars and doesn’t get at all annoyed when I pump him for details.

On my way over there I kept thinking about that wine list to be added later thing.

I was really tired and I knew that a cocktail would be absolutely necessary if I were to sparkle so I stopped in a liquor store.

I asked the guy if he had any vodka in a small enough bottle that I could slip it in my pocketbook (and you thought we weren’t soul mates, dave).

He pointed over his shoulder at little airplane size bottles.

I suddenly realized that it made me look like a drunk so I said I’d take 2 and  mumbled something about having dinner with people that don’t drink so I’d feel funny ordering something.

He just gave me a pitying look and said “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay”.

Clearly I wasn’t convincing him of anything.

When I got to the restaurant I plopped my bottles on the table and told my friends what happened.

For some odd reason the subject moved to most awkward situations.

Mine involved my super.

I had taken a picture of him one day and I used it as the wallpaper on my phone.

I just thought it was funny that when people saw my phone and asked me who it was I would say
“my super”.

Well no one ever asked me and I just never thought about it.

One day I was having problems with my phone and since the super’s wife works for verizon I asked her to help me. I had totally forgotten that her husband’s picture would appear when she opened my phone.

As I said before stress puts me in mumbling mode so I started babbling that it was a joke, which in no way improved the situation.

I was tempted to say I’m in love with him so that rather than being insulting I would just be pathetic since I’m almost 40 years older than him.

Anyway my story came in second to the guy that tongue kissed his mother by mistake.