409. New York is good and the rest of the world is bad except for maybe France. Just kidding, France stinks too.

Remember when I told you about going up to my sister’s house with Julie, Violet and the three dogs a few weeks ago?

I guess you’re wondering why I never spoke about it since I blab about every single thing I do.

Well I didn’t because I thought my sister would be mad if I did but it turns out she couldn’t care less. And also something sad happened to one of the dogs but I’m not going to talk about it.

As I’ve told you before, my sister Marcia and her husband Paul live in upstate New York in a town as far from NYC as any place I’ve ever been where they still speak English.

They have a beautiful home on top of a mountain with a lovely swimming pond.

I might have mentioned that my brother in law is intent on leaving as little carbon footprint as he can. He recycles everything. He even prefers to comb the carpeting rather than vacuum to avoid something, I’m not sure what. I think it’s nitrogen or some other poison thing.

Anyway the house has one guest bedroom on the top floor and 2 bedrooms on the bottom floor. One of these rooms is like being in a lovely bed and breakfast and the other has the carbon footprint thing going for it with a magic toilet that I think evaporates doody.

Julie’s brother, Brian, his wife Cheryl and their two teenaged daughters, Sadie and Lily were going to be there too.  Julie had put in for the nice room months ago and just assumed that she and Violet would get it since she had the 3 dogs and could let them in and out during the night. The two girls were sleeping upstairs so they could be near a mirror at all times (a choice that they would soon regret since they were late sleepers and were forced to hear their grandfather’s “bathroom noises” every morning. I can only assume that means farts.

Unfortunately Brian got there first and as he said “First come …”

This didn’t go over that well with Julie especially since Violet announced that she wasn’t about to sleep in the ‘bad’ room (which my sister fixed up to be quite lovely) and I had to admit that whatever room Julie slept in I was going to sleep in since I brought a blow up bed so I was hoping for the nice room too.

Since I never voice my opinion and go along with the crowd (no matter what my sister says which is that I have something to say about everything) I just left it to them to work out, at least that’s what I’m claiming.

Well Julie’s sad face got to her brother and Cheryl and he told Julie and Violet that they could have the ” good ” room.

He moved his stuff out and went to lay down in the disappearing doody (but beautifully decorated) room.

Not 10 minutes later he came out and announced to Julie that she was going to be so disappointed that she agreed to change rooms because his new room had something that the old room didn’t have.

Bats, two of them.

Now here’s the interesting thing about this. My brother in law and sister looked up totally unsurprised by this.

“Oh yeah, when we cleaned that room we found one dead bat and one live bat in there. Just open the door. They’ll leave.”

I could see that my brother in law thought his son was a real candy ass when he went to the phone and booked a room in a B&B in town.

That blow up bed looked less attractive every minute so I accompanied them to the hotel.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against bats… OF COURSE I DO.

Bats are lousy.

My sister says to just face it when you live in the country there are bats and snakes.

Wait did I forget to mention the snakes???? And not just 6 snakes, there are about 50 snakes and they don’t try to lay low either. Open up a box of towels and hello – a snake. Sit down in the grass and there’s a cobra smokin’ a butt right next to you.

Which is why you can take that whole back to nature thing and shove it.

I’ll take a mugger over a bat any day.

4 thoughts on “409. New York is good and the rest of the world is bad except for maybe France. Just kidding, France stinks too.

  1. Well, I saw a little brown snake in the woods today. And I know we have bats because I find the batshit every morning. And when I’m hiking, I always carry a $20 bill in case I’m mugged (by a bear).

  2. Yipes snakes! Ok I know I am the Hayseed from Oregon, but even a picture of a snake freaks me out. I hope there are no weddings or family gatherings at that house in the near or far future. No legs or arms and slithers no way!

  3. GREAT, Mattie…Love love love this entry. Then again, I am prejudiced. I love ALL your entries. THey always make me smile. And I’ll take as many smiles as I can feel. C a r o l F r e d e t t e w w w . c a r o l f r e d e t t e . c o m

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