461. I give up

I shouldn’t have a pet.

This morning I ate my breakfast standing up to keep Elvis from putting his hands in my eggs. When I sat at my computer he kept walking on the keys while I tried to write. To add insult to injury, then he knocked over my glass of water so it went all over my desk.

I wouldn’t be able to write now except he’s across the room staring at Rupert.

Liz and David decided to have a talk with me about all this.

Liz made me promise to keep Elvis off the dining room table. David naturally took this thought and ran with it saying that the bare minimum of civility is to keep your pets off the table. Then, never missing an opening to spew his hatred, he went on to name all the ethnic groups that, low as they are, EVEN THEY, wouldn’t let a cat on the table.

It was then that Liz (who I must remind you that since that shooting incident I believe has been somewhat tarnished by this relationship) said ” at least not uncooked”.

Once he realized that Lizzie wasn’t going to jump on him for the racist shit, David then decided he had a clear path to finish the conversation with a description of his cab driver last night who added an extra minute to  his trip by taking the Midtown Tunnel instead of the 59th Street Bridge. Do I have to tell you that english wasn’t this guys first language?

David actually said “That would never happen in London”. Which had what to do with the conversation? I can only assume that in England the cabbies are all graduates of Sandhurst.

I’d better finish this off because Elvis looks as if he’s getting tired of climbing my curtains. He may be thinking of dancing on the keyboard again.

Nope, it’s my head.

9 thoughts on “461. I give up

  1. my cats want to eat with me. they each have a stool they sit on @ the table with little plates. if there is company they still sit @ the table on their stools. If people are offended they don’t belong @ my table. They are my family and participate in all events. I have learned not to keep liquids by the computer as they think I’m not paying attention to them. Most cab drivers in London are now from foreign countries and pull the same stunts. The old blokes are a rarity today. David needs to move to Texas where all Mexicans are treated badly by the white majority but quickly as the hispanic population is about to take over. Glad I’m not him. Pets add lots of enjoyment to our lives as you know.

  2. Great!!! Love this..And, must say I have a crush on Elvis. Well, ok..it’s not sexual. Couldn’t stop thinking bout hms ALL day…and his sweet vibe. Ofcourse, that was before reading today’s entry. Still LOVE HIM! and you!

  3. If you  knew ANYTHING about London Cab drivers you’d know that they undergo a very thorough 2 year training program and are required to speak English. In case you missed that day in class, English is still the official language of the US and the UK. I might add that few of these chaps are WASPs!!! David Wheeler. 203 561 3728 : 67 and dumpedSent: Thursday, January 23, 2014 10:17 AMTo: dwheeler35l@gmail.comReply To: 67 and dumpedSubject: [New post] 46. I give up

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    67anddumped posted: “I shouldn’t have a pet.

    This morning I ate my breakfast standing up to keep Elvis from putting his hands in my eggs. When I sat at my computer he kept walking on the keys while I tried to write. To add insult to injury, then he knocked over my glass of”

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