Even though I love to have sleep over guests, I hate to stay at other people’s houses. The more I love you the less I want to stay with you.

When I’m a guest I worry about making a mess, being trouble or just not following the rules of the house.

And let me tell you, everyone has rules even if they don’t know it.

For example I like a dog napping on the table but I realize that no matter how cute it looks, in someone else’s house my dog must choose the floor for his forty winks. I also accept that dogs that visit me may not find the table that comfortable.

I like to feel that I’m welcoming and flexible but the way I live my life can be downright irritating to others.

I leave my TV on 24/7. I never turn on the heat in winter because I’m always hot. Those are two things right off the top of my head but I’m sure there are more.

When dave lived here guests had to put up with sleeping on the living room couch with him making eggs in the middle of the night. Since he mostly worked with Japan he also was on the phone during the night doing business which only later did I find that it was funny business.

When he left I turned his office into what I considered a lovely guest room. I believed that it was pleasing to all.

Since I got my cat and dog however I’ve heard a few rumblings from some of my regulars.

My nephew Barry is coming to NYC for a medical convention or something and he’s told me that he will be staying at a hotel. When I pressed him he told me that he noticed that every photo that I posted of my cat and dog was on the guest bed. I think he considers that unhygienic. Go figure.

My nephew Yizhak visits me for a week every November. He suggested that I get the “dog on the table” thing straightened out before he gets here.

I can actually see that. He’s religious and I’m fairly sure that dog ass isn’t kosher.

What’s bringing all this up?

I visited my sister in upstate New York this past weekend. Now let me preface this by saying that except for their almost insane commitment to saving the planet I can’t think of anyone more welcoming. And their guest room is a dream (well one is, the other one has been known to have bats in it).

However since all the kids were there this weekend I stayed at a B & B nearby.

I am not a fan of bed and breakfasts because they too have rules. I like the anonymity of as my niece Julie says “any guest room of Mr. Hilton’s”.

This place was no exception. They did have a black washcloth that said “to remove make up” which was a warning that covered way more than that request. It meant that watching my p’s and q’s was going to be necessary if I didn’t want to be thought of as, well, a poor guest.

I’m ashamed to say that at breakfast (the second B) I was chastised for taking the teaspoon that was to be used to put sugar in ALL the guest’s coffee and bringing it to my table.

In my defense, I was just trying to remove the evidence since I thoughtlessly stirred my private coffee with it.

I don’t want you to think I was called out unkindly. No sir.

You see another thing about B & B’s is that people talk to you at breakfast. Not just other guests although they can be a bit chatty but also the help and the owners so it was IN CONVERSATION that my spoon error was pointed out.

Not to be mean, truly.  It was in between her description of her upcoming wedding and since she wasn’t just our server but  also the gardner and maid, the details of her replanting the garden, that she mentioned that since I’d be there for 2 more nights she knew I’d want to know that that spoon was for everyone’s use.

Believe me I was grateful.

Anyway when it was time to leave this lovely inn, and it was truly lovely, I made my bed, cleaned the bathroom and did a light dusting.

I left a $30.00 tip for the 3 nights to cover the spoon thing and anything else I might have missed.

Next time I’m bringing my own sheets and towels. I really don’t want to be a bother.