Whenever I go to Costco I am attracted to those Giant stuffed animals. I always pick them up and hug them. I put them back though because, well, I’m seventy.

A few weeks ago I was there with my sister when I saw a big bin filled with person sized Mickey and Minnie Mouses. I mean they were great. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them.

A few nights ago I was at David’s house, having cocktails, as you might have guessed, and I mentioned them to him.

“It’s a shame I’m so old because I still want toys. I love dolls and stuffed animals but I never actually wished I could purchase one until I saw those giant Mickeys and Minnies.”

David didn’t look away from the TV where he was watching “Rawhide” or something like it. He just said “Why didn’t you buy one?”

I was surprised at this.

“What would I do with it? Where would I put it?”

“You could just sit it in your living room on the couch or in a chair.”

“My living room is kind of formal. It would look silly.”

“It’s your house. You can put whatever you want in it. You live alone. Who do you have to impress?”

I wasn’t used to his being so encouraging. I gave it some thought. Then I felt a rush of happiness come over me.

“I’m getting one, maybe Mickey, maybe Minnie. At first I was sure I’d get Minnie because I’m a girl but, as I explained to David “If I get Mickey I can dance with him.” This brought me back to my childhood when my mother would let me dance with a raw turkey before she cooked it.

I have to admit that for the next few days I got glad any time I thought of it.

Then last night my bell rang at about 9:30 p.m. It was my super, his wife and his two children. They had a Christmas gift for me.

I had mentioned at the building Christmas party that as a new alcoholic I was really enjoying my vodka. Their gift was a bottle of Grey Goose. Tres snooty.

Their little boy, Christopher was so excited to be giving a present that he wanted to say something nice so he yelled “I miss you”. I guess that was the nicest thing he could think of saying.

I assured both kids that their gifts would be coming soon.

Lightbulb! I realized that I could kill two birds with one stone (I just realized what a disgusting saying that is).

This morning I rushed off to Costco to get presents for the kids and Mickey for me. I could barely contain my excitement.

But when I got there not only didn’t they have Mickey any more, they didn’t even have the giant bears which would have been second best but acceptable.

I got presents for my super’s kids and went home.

When I got in the car I called David. “There were no Mickeys or Minnies” I was really feeling low.

“So what.”

“You said it was a good idea. Were you just saying that to goof on me?”

“Of course I was, although I never thought that you’d take me seriously. How stupid would you have to be to buy a giant Mickey Mouse at your age?”

“Kinda stupid I guess”

(That’s what I said but what I was thinking was “Fuck you you fucking fuck. I’m getting me a giant soft stuffed  animal and I’m going to hug it and dance with it and you can shut your fat pie face”)