Julie and I were on the phone the other day and she mentioned that was talking to a girlfriend who is going through an upsetting divorce. The friend said that someone told her that it takes 2 years to get over it.
After we hung up I thought about the 2 years thing.
I have a horrible sense of time. I had to look back at my blog to see when I was divorced. I thought it was a long time ago.
It seems that it was March or April of 2011 when dave stood in the kitchen and told me that he was in love with a Japanese woman but we weren’t divorced until May of 2013.
That means the divorce itself was a little over 2 years ago but the truth is that day in 2011 I really knew it was over, at least for him.
As for me, I may think I’m over it because most of the time I’m happy and fulfilled but every once in awhile it catches me unawares.
My sister Marcia was recommending a netflicks show, “Grace and Frankie” starring Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin about two women in their late 60’s who’s husbands leave them. It seems the husbands , lawyers who were business partners, had been in love with each other for years.
Both wives thought they had happy marriages. Well happy in degrees, but both were comfortable in their marriage and assumed it was a “Till death do we part” situation.What I mean was that they weren’t fighting or unhappy and the announcement that their husbands were leaving was a big shock to both wives.
I watched a bit of it but it was painful to me because it was so like my situation, only I don’t look like Jane Fonda.
It was irrelevant that the men left for a gay relationship while dave left for a woman. The result was the same and their reactions, were mine.
When Jane Fonda looked at her husband and said “It’s me sitting across the table from you” that was me.
If I didn’t say it I thought it a hundred times after dave told me the news.
When we were discussing who would take what, he stood in the middle of the living room and said “I could just go to Japan and you’d never find me”
This was a man who never said an unkind word to me. Someone who when my father died and I cried because my father had always taken care of all of us and I felt I had no one to be responsible for me said “You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll be responsible for you. I’ll take care of you.” and this is someone I trusted more than anyone in the world.
As I stared at him all I could think of was “It’s me dave. You’re saying this to ME”
Going through my blog to find my divorce date brought all kinds of memories like that to me.
When I read them it was as if I was going through it all again. I could only wonder how I could be so mistaken about someone I was so sure about?
I will say that since the divorce and his remarriage he’s been his old kind self. We are in touch by email for business and division of money things.
He’s in New York now, I assume to record and he’s promised not to come to my side of town without letting me know so I can avoid him.
Am I over the divorce? Probably not. I still can’t bear to see him, especially with her.
Maybe when people are fighting and the marriage is bad, divorce brings some relief.
To me? Probably not so much.
I missed having a person of my own.
So I got a dog.
Maybe it’s not the 2 years. Maybe it’s how you fill the 2 years.