September | 2023 | 67 and dumped

“Looks like the back stroke to me.”

Enough of the hilarity.

It must be fly season.

There are a bunch of flies in my house.

So I go to Duane Reade to buy a fly swatter.

They were out of them.

When I got home I saw that a fly appeared to be drowning in Debby’s water.

I’m not heartless I saved it.

Then I was thinking. If I couldn’t let that fly drown, how can I justify killing others.

So I decided to just let them be.

I watched my Housewives with 4 or 5 flies on the TV.

I put on my make up with I don’t know how many flies on the mirror.

One even landed on my face.

I’m thinking, I let you guys live can’t you lay low?

When I watched Debby jumping up trying to catch them because they were bothering her I considered that the last straw.

I bought a fly swatter.

For most of my life I’ve hated hunters unless they were hunting for food.

Looks like I’m having a fly sandwich for lunch.

And so is she.

So I’m thinking, I’m not talentless.

I just have to look at my skills and figure out how to monetize them. Now let me see

I know everything there is to know about the Housewives.

I can say mean things in a way that sounds like a compliment.

For example: Thanks to all the weight you gained you have almost no wrinkles.

My friend Susan considers that a real talent of mine. In fact I write all her mean letters for her. (mainly because she feels guilty when she says mean things which makes me wonder why I’m friends with her at all)

I can’t charge her for that but maybe someone reading this will be willing to throw a few bucks my way for the service.

I don’t want to lose any customers with this tip but when someone in a store is rude to you always say you forgive them since they must be depressed about being in this dead end job and by looking at them you can tell that this is as high as they’re ever gonna go.

Consider this a lost lead.

Then I started thinking…. I forgot that I have a real money maker in my house.

Assistant Plumber