11. He’s Baaaack

I went to Montauk for the weekend with Liz and David. I had the best time in there that I’ve had in years. We went to the beach, ate at Gosman’s and shopped.

The whole time I almost forgot the lump in my chest thinking about dave being there when I got home.

I arrived at about 10:30 p.m. His suitcase was in the living room. I looked in the guest room. He was sleeping. I got a reprieve.

The next morning I got up. I saw through his door that he was up and emailing. A little later I heard a female voice coming from his room. He was obviously skyping her.

I was sitting in the living room talking to my niece, Stephanie on speaker phone. He came in dressed and stood over me staring down at me. I didn’t stop talking. He finally heard me say Steff’s name and in a high voice he kept repeating “Hi Steff, Hi Steff”

I said “Dave no one in my family wants to hold a conversation with you.”  He kept repeating it.

I said “That’s not funny” he said “I think it is,” and kept repeating “hi Steph” until finally Steff just said “Hello”. That seemed to appease him

All through this he kept walking into the kitchen and drinking right out of the bottle of vodka on the refrigerator.

I continued talking to my niece until he went into his room. After I hung up I went into his room and said “Did you have something to say to me?”

“Yes” he said “I have a lot to say”

We went into the living room and he began speaking.

“I didn’t do this because of her.”

I interrupted

“You can stop right there. I have no interest in your reasons”

He got angry

“I don’t care I want to say this. I didn’t do this because of her I love her yes,  but I love you too. I probably love you more but in a different way”

That was every woman’s dream being told by her husband that his feelings for her were platonic.

He continued

“ I just didn’t like the way my life was going”

Again I interrupted.

“I better make this clear. I simply don’t care. I don’t care about you or why you did this. I am disinterested.”

The phone rang

It was my niece Julie.

“Is that your lawyer?” he asked. He was clearly drunk then.

“No, it’s Julie.”

He started the same thing he did when Steph called. “Hi Julie” over and over again. She was clearly upset by this. I could tell by her heavy breathing. Finally she said “hello” hoping to stop him. It did but then he started ranting about my having gotten a lawyer.

“I don’t see why I have to pay ½ of your lawyer. I didn’t hire her.”

I told Julie I had to hang up.

“How long do you intend to stay here?” I asked.

“As long as I’m paying ½ the rent I’ll stay here as long as I like.” He said.

I asked “How do you envision this working?”

He answered  “How do you?”

I responded “We are not husband and wife. We will not eat together or watch tv together. You will live your life and I”ll live mine.  I want you out of here whenever my family comes. They don’t want to see you or speak to you. I will shop for us both and you can make what you like”

He burst out crying.

“ I have no one. You have your family but I’m all alone. I should go back to Japan, at least I’d have her. I can eat in restaurants until it becomes too expensive but I don’t know what I’ll do then.I’ve fucked up everything. I have lost the best friend I ever had.”

I knew he was right. He was alone. I truly didn’t love him any more and maybe it was his own fault but he had no one else. I felt tremendous pity for him. Here’s where everyone reading this is going to throw up.

I put my arms around him and said “It’ll be alright. We’ll work this out. There is no reason for us to be enemies. When I’m home we can eat together.”

The phone rang. I went into the other room to answer it. It was my friend, Ronnie. She wanted to know if I’d like to meet her for dinner.  I immediately said no that I couldn’t.

I went back in the other room and looked at Dave. I realized that I was taking care of him again just as I always have.

I went back into the bedroom and called Ronnie back and told her I’d meet her.

I told Dave I wouldn’t be home for dinner. He said he’d eat in Kodama’s the restaurant near his office

5 thoughts on “11. He’s Baaaack

  1. Mattie, I just started reading your blog today, when I saw Gail Dosik’s tweet (I just love, love, love her:)
    I am preparing Rosh Hashanah dinner, even though I am not Jewish (I take every opportunity to educate my girls, especially if I can connect it to food:) and there are so many things I should have been doing, but I can’t stop reading.
    Your story could have been mine, except that I am younger and left destitute by “his” actions. I feel everything you feel, and I know that I cannot share it with my friends and family who truly love me and cannot understand why I am so weak. neither can my girls.
    I want to give you a big hug right now and maybe a virtual one is enough? I am looking forward to reading the rest of your story, knowing that I’ll find comfort and encouragement in your words.
    Stay strong, the best years are still to come!

    • I can’t begin to tell you what your comments meant to me. As you keep reading you’ll see that there are ups and downs but it does get better and you get better mainly because you have no choice.

      • Just as a point of information, I identify with you entirely. I hope that doesn’t sound unreasonable because I am a guy, but it’s true. I have never had the courage to tell my story to the world, but my friends know, and I think that they would agree that I have no trouble understanding, in a deep and emotionally connected way, nearly everything you say.

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