Most of the time I’m fine but every once in awhile a lightening bolt of emotion comes over me. Yesterday it was realizing that I live alone that did it.

Being the baby of the family I was very attached to my sisters and my parents. When I was about six years old my mother sent me to sleep away camp with my sister Marcia. I trace my frequent bouts with homesickness to that.

I went to camp for many years and I never understood how anyone could go voluntarily.

For the first 5 years of my marriage dave used to insist that we go to Europe for 4 or 5 weeks in August. I found that torturous.

You’re all probably saying the same thing dave said to me. “Poor you. You’re forced to go to Italy  for the summer”.

Unless you have felt homesickness you wouldn’t understand what I was feeling. It is the  loneliest, emptiest feeling.

I missed my family, I missed my dog, Norman and I missed my home.

Eventually dave agreed to rent a house in Montauk instead of going to Europe. As it turned out. we bought one.

When I think back at that I realize that even then, dave wanted a more exciting life than I did. I always loved the familiar. He always loved the unique.

Maybe it’s not so surprising that he found someone else.

I only wish he hadn’t waited until I got old.