I’m walking a fine and puzzling line.

For the time being, I’m still handling dave’s business. There is a big band tour scheduled for July. I’m contacting the members of the band to see about their eligibility.

Since they all know me I simply send the information and sign the email “Mattie”. I’m sure a lot of them are surprised to be hearing from me since the news of our break up spread through the music business like wild fire. (I’m not saying it’s breakfast fodder for Paul McCartney and his new wife but the occasional trumpet player was shocked by the news)

One of my favorite people, Tony Price, a great tuba player and one of the funniest guys alive has decided not to go on the tour. He recommended a replacement.

Here’s the weird part. I had to email this guy to ask him to join the tour. I wasn’t sure how to refer to myself.

If I say I’m dave’s wife then when he gets to Japan he’ll see dave nuzzling it up with crapface and he’ll either think I don’t know about it or that I know about it and am accepting it. Either way I look like a jerk.

Good citizen that I am I chose my as of now legal title of wife. It seems the guy told me he met me before so I could have saved myself the angst. Let me add not remembering that I already met him to the long list of things I can no longer ….no longer what? I forget.

My nephew Matthew just called. He reads my blog and he and his wife, Lara say they are proud of how I’m handling this.

While he was talking I realized the reason I sound so positive is because I’m not handling it at all. I’ve  taken a sabbatical.

The minute dave left for Japan I stopped moving forward emotionally.

I write and I keep busy, I talk to my family, they visit, I dote over Rupert , I make plans with my friends and I nag Liz and David to play with me (Liz is easy, David uses every excuse to avoid me)

I’m probably lucky that dave never calls and only sends me short abrupt emails about the tour so I ‘m not reminded of him.

My lawyer calls and asks why I haven’t sent some papers she asked for. I tell her there’s no hurry.

She says that he might take some action that could hurt me if I don’t protect myself first.

I assure her that that won’t happen. I know him.

The woman who has worked on thousands of divorces that have gone south for some reason doesn’t want to take the word a a half wit that had no idea that her husband was going steady for a year and still swears by his trustworthiness.

“I still think you should send me the papers and call me the second he does anything questionable.”

I say ok but I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Would he?