102. I put on my thinking cap and realized I would look so much better in it if it were green

The ‘guest room’ closets are filled with dave’s music.

When we talked a few month’s ago he asked if he could keep it there even if we  get divorced. I said no.

He arranged for a friend named Jim to come over and pack up the music and bring it to storage.

Immediately after dave  left, Jim called and asked if he could come over that weekend. I said no because I didn’t want the room messed up before Thanksgiving or some such bullshit.

I know, that’s a lame excuse. I wondered why I was putting this off.

Last night I realized that I had the weekend free and I emailed Jim asking him to come over this weekend to get the music out.

Then I went to bed. I was thinking and thinking about getting his stuff out and I absolutely panicked.

I took a tranquilizer and went to sleep.

When I woke up this morning I felt entirely different. I can’t wait to get his stuff out.

I’m all excited about it.

I haven’t heard from Jim even though I emailed and left a phone message for him.

Yikes. What if he never calls me and gets the stuff.

I know it seems too soon to say this but I really think I’m over the worst of it IF I can keep my contacts with dave to a minimum .

If Jim left the country or something and I have to wait for dave to do it when he comes back in January it will be no good for me.

When I had dinner with Jim Pugh and he said that my voice sounded lighter, it was the first time that I really felt I was on an up road.

I will say that when I got an email from dave later that night I felt a momentary twinge.

This just proves one thing to me.

I can’t be taking care of his business any more. I’m going to have to figure something out.

I have to decide what I want to be now that I am a grown up.

3 thoughts on “102. I put on my thinking cap and realized I would look so much better in it if it were green

  1. You sound strong, Mattie and I am root-root-rooting for you.

    One thought re: not taking care of his business anymore, is it really you who has to figure something out? It sounds like his problem to me.

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