195. Mount Everest can kiss my ass

Let me tell you about my nephew Brian, one of the gifted Klams.

He’s amazingly creative and funny and generous. He’s got a zillion awards for writing, Clios, Andys, the London Internationals, the International Radio Festival of NY, National Addys and more.
He’s a wonderful son and brother and nephew. He’s a great husband and a fabulous father.

But he’s a worrier. I always say to him “You’re one of the lucky ones” and he knows it in his head yet he just worries.
If he could see his glass as half full he would be perfect.

Many years ago when I submitted an article to Sail magazine and they asked for some changes, I was totally at sea (pun intended) Brian is the one I called. He went over my article showed me how to improve it and I sent it in and received $125 for it. I still have a copy of the check.

As I might have mentioned, I have an agent so obviously my goal is to get published.

Brian and I were talking and he mentioned that the beginning of my story has a lot of drama in it. Now it’s just me moving through my life and though he likes how I write about it there is no conclusion, no finale.

For example if I re-married or if I did something that I couldn’t do because of dave that would be good.

If I always wanted to climb Mount Everest and now I can do it or something like that it would be a better story.

At first the conversation depressed me. My life isn’t like that. There is no Mount Everest. I used to say if I won the lottery I would use the money to secure the life I have, not change it.

But my life changed and there was no lottery in sight to bring my husband back and make me financially secure and feeling that there was someone to take care of me.

Then I started thinking.

I have a plenty of Mount Everests in my every day life.

Although at first I was devastated and wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry, with hard work I got past that to a kind of peace, even excitement.

I wake up when I want and do what I want to do without having to think, does dave need anything? My day was wrapped around him. He woke up at noon and usually went to the office at around 2.
Any plans I made had to be before that period of time or after it.

I never, and I mean never made dinner plans with a friend without knowing that dave was occupied. Since he rarely did anything without me (except date, that is), if I made plans with friends, dave came along.

I bought his clothes, I cut his meat and his hair, I watched the TV shows he liked, I kept in contact with his family.

Any creativity I had was directed towards his career. And I was happy about that. If he prospered, I prospered.

The more I think of it, the Everests were things I don’t have to do. I don’t have to go on that fucking boat and I don’t have to live through him.

Every single thing I do is to move me forward, no one else.

Believe me that’s harder than climbing a mountain will ever be.

7 thoughts on “195. Mount Everest can kiss my ass

  1. Yes! No more fucking boat. You can do what you want, for yourself. You’re doing it, Mattie, and have been for awhile. xoxo

  2. Mattie, i’ve been wanting to write to you for some time. First of all, this blog is a blessing. I wish my mother were alive to read it. she would LOVE you. She was also 67 years old when my father left her after 36 years of marriage. He had been having an affair with someone ( which I found out about when I was 13) and was told to never ever speak of it.. or else.. so I didn’t. She finally found out when i was i my early 20’s and my father left. She was devastated, but discovered an incredible resilience inside of herself. She taught piano and voice, went to the opera with her friends and eventually dated. She remarried at 70 years old to a man who adored her. They had 10 amazing years together. I’ve been wanting to tell you that and to tell you that you are really something. I look forward to everything you say and I hold you in my heart. xx Claudia

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