I guess you’ve all heard of the New Year’s Eve murderer.

He/she sneaks into empty homes and puts orange juice in your noodle pudding. It doesn’t always result in death but it could.

He/she follows it up with something even more diabolical. Going through all your personal papers and changing the words “Mister” to “Pister” and “Avenue” to “Philosophical”.

This goes undiscovered until you try to leave the country and your passport doesn’t match your id.

Which is why I have decided to stay home tonight to keep guard on my house and the 2 empty apartments on my floor.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve gotten lots of invites but I’ve chosen to put my neighbors first.

I truly am a giver.

So I am wishing you all a happy and healthy New Year and may all my wishes come true.

(Get it? I said “my” wishes.)