335. I deserve a big pat on the back just for being me.

Here’s why I have a good personality. Because my eye hurts and I’m still being sunny.

Yep I smile through adversity. Not only that but I’m known in my family as a problem solver. A smiling problem solver.

It started when I was very young. I was 8 years old and at Camp Highmount. I was taller than most of the boys my age so what did I do? I went to the prom with 2 short boys.  I figured 2 shorts equal one tall.

There were problems. A mutiny occurred about midway through the dance. Those two shrimp punks came up and said they didn’t want to be my dates any more. They said I was too bossy. Imagine that.

Clearly I wasn’t bossy enough. I should have forbidden them to speak to each other. That way they couldn’t have planned that coup.

But most of my solutions to the problems of my family members always, well usually, have been more successful.

I remember when my sister Phyllis started dating after her divorce. Some guy she met at Parents without Partners stole her car keys and wouldn’t give them back. She had to rent a car to get home so she could get another set of keys and go back and get her car. (Don’t look at the flaws in her reasoning)

We, the sisters, were so mad. I decided to rain (is that rain or reign?) terror on him. For weeks we called him at all hours of the night telling him that even though we were girls we were going to beat him up and punch him. We added that we were going to pull his pants down and leave him in his lobby. Naturally we didn’t give our names.

335

Unfortunately he put 2 and 2 together and called the cops. A detective called Phyllis and asked her if she was behind the calls. Naturally she denied it but foolishly went on a rant telling the detective what the guy had done to her. He just sighed and said

“Look Phyl, I know you didn’t do it but cut it out, Okay?”

My solutions don’t always benefit the people around me but I’m not God.

Many years ago I was up at my sister Iris’ house and my basset hound, Norman, bit her mailman.

The mailman threatened not to deliver mail to her house any more. In order to calm things down  I just shrugged and said “Okay don’t”.

I didn’t live there. What did I care?

Now how does that fit in with the theme of this?  I’m not sure it does. Wait, since Iris still got mail maybe my cool head in the face of adversity (back to smiling with an eye ache) kept the situation from escalating.

See? I just talked my way out of a shitty blog post.

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