The trip to Annapolis was great. We even stopped on the way at Gail, the cookie queen’s house where she gave us homemade cookies in case we hit a storm and got snowed in.

Lily’s Bat Mitzvah was a raging success.

I did take my sister’s place on the stage. The Rabbi introduced me as a stand in by asking us all to pray for the recovery of Lily’s grandfather. I, for one, felt stupid praying for a flu healing but whatever.

Anyway I was up there next to my nephew Brian, his wife, Cheryl and Lily while the Rabbi explained that he was going to give me the Torah to be passed down the line.

I kept mumbling “Please, Jesus,don’t let me drop the Torah”over and over. I think the Rabbi heard me because he just placed it in my arms without actually letting go until Brian had control of it. I think I did a fine job.

This was on Friday evening. The service ended at around 10 and since I was the designated driver I didn’t join in the wine and stuff served afterwards.

Now as to my driving. At the best of times I’m not that great a driver but at night?  Don’t ask. I can barely see so I explained to Julie and Violet that the ride back to the hotel was going to have to be a team effort.

Julie, since she wasn’t dedicated to anything but toasting her little niece’s accomplishment had partaken in the refreshments. As the t shirt says though, Julie has no problem drinking. She drinks, gets drunk, falls down, no problem.

But she was really fine and we did have a GPS.

Unfortunately we misheard the instructions so many times that all the GPS said was “recalculating”.

It took us about an hour to make a fifteen minute trip. Julie was no help at all. Every time we’d pass a turn I’d yell at her and she’d just claim that it wasn’t her fault because either she was drunk or tired and I could take my choice which excuse I wanted. I thought we’d have to wait for daylight before I could see the road again so we could get back to the motel.

Everyone that says that kids are so useful because they have good eyes and little fingers. I guess the little fingers are only needed if you want to make sneakers but you can forget the sharp eyes if the kid doesn’t want to use them to benefit the greater good.

Violet wasn’t even paying attention. She was so busy telling us how beautiful her new dress was and how lovely she was going to look for the next night’s party that for all she cared we could have driven into the Potomac or whatever the damn river is in Annapolis.

The next night was the party. Also a fabulous evening. This was held only about 6 blocks from our hotel so it only took us about an hour and 45 minutes to get home.

I’m pretty sure that once or twice we “recalculated” past the Washington Monument.