I have to admit that my ego has taken a beating what with getting dumped and all. But time has helped and I was beginning to feel like my old self (a phrase that I will never again use) when two different people offered me a seat on the bus this week.
I’d like to say that it was courteous men that offered hoping to curry my favor but it was young women both times. I smiled a thank you and refused politely.
I spent the rest of the ride holding on to the pole trying to appear surefooted with a frozen expression on my face and in my heart. What is it about me that I appeared so fragile that these girls would feel the need to give up their seats to me?
I’m sixty nine, not ninety. I dye my hair, a pleasing blonde, if I do say so myself. True, I haven’t had any work done, no lift, fillers or botox but hell, this is New York, not Hollywood.
When I look in the mirror I don’t see my twenty five year old self but I don’t burst into tears either. Clearly I’m wrong. What does the world see that I don’t?
I remember visiting my grandmother when I was a teen ager. She was going through her closet pulling out colorful cotton dresses.
“See? I like bright colors. I don’t dress like an old lady.” Then she said almost to herself “Inside I’m still a young girl”.
Is it that inside girl that I’m seeing when I look in the mirror?
I’m not totally blind. On occasion I am surprised when I’m in a department store and I catch a reflection of an older woman picking up the same black sweater that I’m looking at only to realize that that woman is me. I admit that’s a shock but I usually put it down to shopping makes me tired and if I tweak my make up I’ll look better.
Not everyone feels the way I do. I was on the bus yesterday, seated thankfully, when the frazzled woman across from me with a bunch of packages and two weepy kids said
“Would you like a seat?” to a thin, older woman (I say older but she wasn’t much older than I am, she might even have been the same age or a little younger, and she was wearing sneakers which suggests athleticism in anyone’s book).
In a clear voice the woman answered “Yes I would, thank you”
And she watched the younger woman struggle to her feet trying very hard not to drop any of her parcels and plopped herself down with a true sense of entitlement.
If I had been the recipient of that woman’s kindness, obviously I would have refused it and I would have spent the remainder of the trip trying to keep my sobs from becoming an irritant to the other passengers.
Maybe you should throw out all your black wardrobe and start over in,,,,,,, mmmmmm, Yellow, I like yellow, you should dress in yellow and see if seats are offered 🙂
Have a sunny day today Mattie
Yellow? Yellow? Who do you think I am? Heidi?
If department stores want to boost sales, they should ban mirrors. The last time I caught my reflection in one I wanted to sue for false representation but sadly I didn’t have a case.
I’m with you Paula.
There are days I see my 60 year old self in the mirror and I scream for that much younger inside girl to show up. I know she’s in there…that’s all that counts…but it does make me a bit sad. As for the woman who took the spot from the mom with parcels and two kids,, I would have said, “No, thank you and is there anything I can do to help YOU?”
I absolutely agree.
How did you get in my head? In my mind I’m 30…an even better 30 than I was when I was 30. Then I look in the mirror and pull a face at almost 60.
That makes me feel better.