I just got back from an overnight visit with Julie to Montauk.
She came with me to help me put the finishing touches on my house so it is in fine shape for the people who have rented it for the summer.
Our plan was to drive out, walk the dogs (Julie has 3) on our arrival, spend a few hours working at the house cleaning, look in some shops then go over for cocktails at my dear friend Susan and her husband Allan’s house. You all may know Allan as the drummer on the James Brown hit, “Funky President”. We’d wind the day up after 15 or 20 minutes having cocktails by then going out to dinner.
Except for the house cleaning we kept pretty much to our schedule. Unfortunately eliminating that sped up the cocktail hour and it went from 15 minutes to three hours.
The time went by very quickly. Before you could say “Jack Rabbit” or something with less consonants, three bottles of wine were history and Julie was giving Susan make up tips for her to pass on to her daughter Daisy, who does Martha Stewart’s make up.
Tip #1: Why put on make up when you just have to wash it off 8 hours later?
I know she felt very strongly about this because she was saying it very loud and appreciated that Susan and I were trying hard to translate it into Russian for our friends in Something-vlad.
We had dinner and went home. Julie was afraid to sleep in the guest room alone so she and her dogs slept with me. It was actually very nice having the dogs in bed. Two of them lick your feet and ankles until you either fall asleep or shove them away. It was almost like an expensive spa massage if during the massage, the masseuse farts and snorts.
We woke up the next morning and picked up Susan for breakfast.
There are a lot of places to eat breakfast in Montauk. There’s John’s Pancake House for those who have just given up. Then there’s Joni’s, a terrific restaurant for people who like you to think they eat healthy without having to suffer even the tiniest bit. You might bump into Ralph Lauren or Aida Turturro here. Then there’s the health food place where they don’t kid around. Muffins like dust and a bunch of stuff that looks nothing like it’s name.
Since I have known Susan she’s been trying to get me to eat things that really and truly taste like poison while closing one eye in a pseudo wink and telling me how delicious it is. She has actually described something made out of turnips as “heavenly”.
I keep saying “Susan, a hot fudge sundae is heavenly. A turnip is good for you”
It just goes to show how very much Julie and I wanted to be with Susan because just to lure her we chose the health food place over Joni’s, our way preferred choice.
Sue didn’t disappoint when she ordered. She had a kale, spinach, any green crap you have lying around and one carrot juice.
Julie had granola and fruit and a muffin. She told me later that the owner of the restaurant should be jailed for daring to call that a muffin.
I had something that sounded like an egg McMuffin with nothing McMuffiny about it.
Susan offered us both a sip of her juice. Julie said that only the addition of eel would make it more disgusting than it looked.
It may not sound it but both Julie and I agreed that it was the best weekend we’ve had in a long time.