Yesterday was David’s Memorial Day BBQ.
He really fussed. Prepared his burgers and sides in advance so he could give his guests, his son Graham and his girlfriend, Valerie, Me, his friend Fehmi and his wife and 2 of his children, the full impact of his sparkling personality.
The invitation said to come between 3 and 4. Graham and Valerie came right on time. Naturally so did I. Fehmi rolled in at about 5:30 and his wife, a tall, thin ravishing blonde arrived at close to 7 with texted instructions from the cab to put her burger on so it would be ready when she got there. the kids were a no show.
David is always insinuating that my friends are a bunch of dumb peasants while he and his are real high class intellectuals who have the inside track on what’s going on in the world.
When Fehmi got there, David intelligently showed him the switch blade knife that he had bought in Santa Fe.
Fehmi couldn’t have been more delighted. He never let go of the knife for the rest of the evening. He was flipping it open to punctuate every sentence, while intelligently noting what part of whatever democrat being discussed he could cut off with such a perfect weapon.
It lost a wee bit of it’s power because his ability to complete a fluid motion was limited by his constantly having to check that he didn’t open it the wrong way and cut his wrist off.
Then his beautiful wife arrived. When I say beautiful, I’m not understating it. This woman is a knock out. I’ve heard she’s of German descent but you couldn’t tell by me. She only spoke a few words before sitting down and eating more food than I would imagine a sumo wrestler would consume before a title match.
Immediately after polishing off her third piece of pie, totally ignoring Fehmi’s offer to slice it and feed it to her with his knife, she stood up, kissed everyone and went home, I assume to take an alka seltzer.
Graham and Valerie had long ago left and Fehmi decided to stay and chew the fat with David. I left them to it.
Oh and did I mention that throughout the evening David and Fehmi smoked cigars, I think because they were afraid that any fresh air would ruin the ambience.
I gotta say, David’s correct. This was a real Algonquin Round Table, with shivs.