My world is going crazy.

First a bum pays my bus fare. Then David offers to take me to get my nose job.

Since he’s always made it clear that a bruised bagel was the extent of his largesse I made him repeat it just to make sure I heard him correctly.

I thanked him profusely but told him that both Julie and Stephanie had offered and Julie was taking me since you can’t leave the place without someone to hold your nose up until it gets it’s bearings.

He seemed really sad that he couldn’t be there for me. At least that’s what I assumed when he said “Great, I get the credit and I don’t actually have to do it.”

I got a new i phone yesterday. I only upgraded from 4 to 4s because I wanted Siri so I could voice dial when I’m driving.  I’m a stinky enough driver without having to dial a phone number at the same time.

My iphone 4 had voice dialing but every time I told it to call Steph it would dial Steve Gadd, the world famous drummer. It was only a matter of time before Steve’s wife, Carol, noticed all those calls from me and picked up on something that I’ve always known which is that Steve is really hot for me.

That would be no big deal if dave was still around but you know how married women are about divorcees, something I will be any day now.

So in the interest of my not wanting to see another marriage go south in addition to not wanting to die on I95 I upgraded.

When I got to the store they told me that though my present phone had 32 wigs or gigs, my new one will only have 16.

First I got hot under the collar about the idea of trading in for a lesser phone but then the girl told me that I didn’t even use 5 of the ones I had.

This  information solidified my decision to ignore all the advice that the men I know gave me which was to upgrade to an iphone 5 because it has a better camera and more advance technology and instead take Julie’s take on it which was that I don’t know how to do most of the shit the phone does anyway so save a few bucks.