404. “Go fuck yourself” is the new “Nice meetin’ ya”

It’s strange how I feel about traveling by bus.

I don’t just don’t mind it, I really like it.

It’s bright and airy and I bring my book and read. Plus I get to see the world and it’s not uncommon for me to strike up a brief friendship.

Why just yesterday I was going to Julie’s to stay with Violet while Julie went to the gym.

Now that school’s out Violet sometimes goes with Julie and stays in the kid’s room but yesterday she dug her heels in because the day before, as she said, “Even you wouldn’t appreciate some kid shoving his computer game in your face”.  She had no intention of going through that indignity again.

Aunt Mattie to the rescue. I got on the uptown bus to ninety sixth street heavily engrossed in the book I was reading all about throbbing members and heaving chests.

At ninety sixth I walked across the street and waited for the crosstown bus. It’s a very short ride and stops right in front of Julie’s house.

Since that leg of the trip is not very long, I don’t read. I decided to wait for the ride home to find out if Lance got to put his hot dog in Victoria’s roll. I’m thinkin’ yes.

I was therefore open to being spoken to. You won’t be surprised to hear that the woman sitting next to me remarked on how pretty the color of my toe nail polish is.

“Thank you” I said and since I’m a people person I told her that since I had that color I only have to look at my toes to get happy and yadda yadda yadda.

One thing led to another and she asked me if I was married. I said I was divorced. She asked for how long, and I said a week.

She asked me a lot of questions and I told her my whole story including about my blog.

When she heard the name of my blog she brightened and said “I’m 67. I’ve never been married but I think I’m ready now.”

I wished her good luck and just as I was reaching my destination she said

“Don’t beat yourself up about the divorce. Nothing you could have done would have changed it. Not getting a face lift or losing weight. Even pretty women get dumped”

I smiled my people person smile and got off the bus all the while thinking, either,

” That’s good advice,  I ‘m glad I didn’t waste time wishing I were good looking because it wouldn’t have helped”


“Fuck you you fucking cunt. Lotsa luck getting a husband with that puss”

You choose.

16 thoughts on “404. “Go fuck yourself” is the new “Nice meetin’ ya”

  1. First rate lesson on how to put the kibosh on an otherwise lovely conversation. Wonder if she ever realized that she needed a crowbar to get her foot out of her mouth……BITCH!

  2. Dear Mattie, I just texted Susan and told her I was hysterical laughing from your latest blog.    When you write your book, I will be first in line to purchase it and have you sign it.  You made my day!!


  3. OMG Mattie, you’re KILLING me! Haaaaaaa. Only You! I love your blogs and I want to see you published! You’ve always had a way with words whether it be funny, sarcastic, or sensitive. I’ll be right behind Rozi in the purchase line! Miss you.

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