425. I’m pretty sure that Jews can’t become alcoholics

I’ve never been much of a drinker.  In fact, I could never see the point of having a drink just to have a drink.

I’d have a glass of wine before dinner but that’s pretty much all I’d do.

As I’ve mentioned dave loved drinking, maybe too much.

So did my sister, Iris. When it was 5 pm on the nose she’d pour herself a cocktail. She did it scientifically. She had determined exactly how much gave her a buzz without putting her over the edge. She measured out her scotch or whatever carefully and you could just see her relax.

Iris and I couldn’t have been more different but she was definitely my best friend and I was hers. It pained her that I didn’t like to drink. She complained of it often.

She and dave loved each other and they both loved drinking together.

I remember sitting at dinner with a sober, disapproving expression on my face while the two of them were trying different cocktails and laughing and laughing.

I hated them both so much. In my defense, I had just quit smoking and was going through menopause so I was almost always furious and sweating and my watching them be happy made me want to kill them.

Well things have certainly changed. One of the things that dave left me with, along with half his worldly goods, was a love of the grape or the potato (is vodka made from a potato??)

When David sends me an email saying “Cocktails?” I can’t get over there fast enough. Hell, if the doorman sent me an email saying “Cocktails?” I’d shoot down to the lobby lickity split.

I was beginning to worry that I may be drinking too much because 1. It interferes with my wish to lose weight. Not only because it’s fattening but it opens the chicken parmigiana door and 2. I never can remember what 2 is.
That can’t be good. 2 might be important.

But then I started thinking. With the government shut down there’s nobody out looking for commies ergo the Russkies could overtake us and we’d have to drink vodka to get along and if I already like vodka I will be popular and maybe become a government official so I could shut down the government and there will be nobody looking out for honest well meaning politicians and they can overtake us and I can stop drinking.

It’s a no brainer.

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