I was having dinner with my nieces Julie and Cheryl when in conversation Julie mentioned that the fact that I follow more people on Twitter than follow me makes me look like a loser.
“Well I can’t force people to follow me.”
“So prune through the ones you follow and get rid of the excess baggage”
I stayed silent while we reverted to our previous conversation, peace in the middle east and whether Katy Perry isn’t foolish to think she can make a life with John Mayer, while I mulled over Julie’s suggestion.
When I got home I immediately went to Twitter. My numbers were pretty pathetic. I followed 291 people and only 271 follow me. Let me put this in perspective. Julie has like 10,000 followers.
I could get more than 271 people to pay attention to me if I cut into the line at the supermarket.
I decided I have to be proactive.
First I would get rid of the dead weight.
All of the Housewives have to go, even Atlanta. This won’t be easy on me what with Porsha insinuating that her husband is gay and Nene back as a regular but what has to be has to be.
And I don’t have to know every little thought that Johnny Depp sees fit to tweet about. It’ll be a little harder cutting off Ice T because nobody likes to be unfollowed and he’s a hothead who may seek vengeance.
Getting rid of Target and Rabbi Shmuly was a no brainer.
So the number I followed went from 291 to 271, equal to the number of people that follow me, still not good enough.
I was just about to (oy) eliminate Nick Jonas when a miracle happened.
As a result of a Tweet that Julie sent out asking her followers to make up a few phony accounts to get me more followers with the hashtag #itsembarrassingtothewholefamily, my followers shot up to 309.
I was so happy until I realized that the polite thing would be when someone follows you that you follow them back but if I do I’ll be back where I started, a loser.
Speaking of being a loser, dave and I were emailing back and forth this morning about his upcoming tour and I realized how much I miss having him as a friend.
Here’s the loser part. I told him.