752. My father in law died yesterday

I guess he was still my father in law. I didn’t divorce him.

He was one of the truly good people in the world. He was an intellectual.  He was a Methodist minister who practiced what he preached. That all sounds like platitudes so let me tell you how his daughter, Judy spoke of his last moments in the email she sent me last night.

My dad died today at 2:45. I was there, told him it was ok to go, that we would
all be ok, thanked him, he could go be with Mother and that I loved him. I was
alone and it was a special time for us. The relaxing music that they had gotten
for me on the tv (with ocean pictures, etc.) was playing softly. I saw the signs
that he was going and the palliative nurse came in and confirmed it and left us
alone. So I just talked to him, held his hand and rubbed his head. I stayed with
him for a while watching the process…It wasn’t terrible like I always thought it
would be. I even kissed him when he was dead, which I thought I’d never do. It
was special. The visiting minister from church knocked on the door right in the
process and (since I don’t know him very well and don’t love him) I said “He’s
dying.” Then I motioned him away. (The person I live with thought that was
interesting since most people would want the minister in there at that time…but
I didn’t want an intruder whom I didn’t love…It was our time together and I
didn’t want it interrupted. I never saw the guy again…I wonder what he thought??
) So I kept holding his hand, feeling the warmth slowly go out of it and just
stayed there about 15 minutes until the nurse came in. I told her he was gone,
she checked his heart and agreed. Funny thing but on that music thing there were
several different sequences and after he died, Amazing Grace came on which I
thought was a nice touch! So I called Joe and Erin, packed up my things and
looked over at my dad and said,”I can’t believe you’re dead!” It hasn’t really
hit me yet. I’m still running on adrenaline I guess. I’m just so glad that I
was there. My religious friend said that God was good to him to take him fast.
I said He probably felt bad about what He did to my mother. I guess that wasn’t
so nice, but then I’m not always nice. I’ll go now. That’s the story. I can’t
believe this is me taking care of all this…It’s supposed to be our parents who
do all this stuff. How weird to be so far along through life and so soon it
seems. Love you!

I love you too Judy.

7 thoughts on “752. My father in law died yesterday

  1. thank you for sharing this, Mattie. I was very deeply touched by your sister in law’s description of what she was experiencing with your father in law. And, you know what? It didn’t make me sad that he’d passed. Not the way she described it….and then she was even humorous at the end…i loved that….sense of humor .. just like my buddy, Mattie! i love you, carol

  2. Wow, what an honest, simple telling of one of life’s great moments. Judy beautifully told her story without it being maudlin. How lovely of her to share it with you, and you with us.

  3. Beautifully done. I’m sorry for Dave and Judy and the family; and you. You were always so wonderful with Dave’s parents. Liz xo

  4. My sincere condolences on the loss of your father-in-law Mattie. Your sister-in-law shared a very precious time in her life with you and you with us. I’m glad that his passing was peaceful and that letting go was a tranquil and beautiful time for father and daughter. Much love and hugs to you. XO

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