773. Jesus hates me

I know that when it comes to animals I am crazy.

Remember I used to make excuses not to go places because I didn’t want to leave my neighbor’s dog alone.

So because I am aware of that trait in me when it came to getting a pet I knew a dog was out of the question. I would have to choose something independent and aloof so I could still enjoy a life of freedom but have some sort of companionship when I got home. After all dave did get himself a slut. I deserve something too.

Getting a cat was a no brainer, hence Elvis entered my life.

I never owned a cat so I knew nothing firsthand about them but I had heard plenty.

They can be indifferent. They are simply won’t give you what a dog can give you. etc etc. You can leave a cat alone for a weekend at a time.As long as they have food, water and clean litter they won’t care at all.

Since I am renting my house in Montauk as of next weekend I had to go out to make sure it was tenant ready. I decided that I would only go for one night since this would be the first time I was leaving Elvis alone. I had asked David and his son Graham if they could care for him but they were both going to Connecticut.

Still I was determined to live my life and never let an animal control me again so I prepared the house with bowls of wet and dry food, water and scattered treats. I left the TV on for company and with a heavy heart I went on my way.

I probably would have left Montauk the next morning at 6 a.m. but Julie was doing a reading way out on the island and I had promised to pick her up on the way back to the City which I did. Actually I was already letting her down because when she originally booked this I had told her I’d go with her.

We were driving home and Julie, being as sweet as she is, said “When we get back to town I’ll take the train to my house because there will be a lot of traffic”. Normally I would not have permitted this but I was anxious to get to my cat so I said okay.

When I opened my apartment door Elvis was right inside and he was crying.( Is “meow meow” crying?)

He was rubbing all up against me and saying that meow thing.

I immediately realized “Why would I think my cat would be like every other cat?” Haven’t I noticed his clingy tendencies? He follows me from room to room. He sleeps in my bed. He sits in front of my computer when I write. Even now I am peering around him to see the screen.

blog cat

Woe is me. I can never leave the house again. OOOOOYYYYY!

By the way I had a big fight with David last night because he didn’t go to Connecticut after all and he never looked in at Elvis. I was determined never to speak to him again until I spoke to Liz  and she asked me why I would blame a snake for being a snake. She said it would never occur to David to look in at Elvis since 1. He doesn’t care about Elvis and 2. He doesn’t care about Elvis.

I must say she’s right. Now I’m going to have to apologize to David for screaming at him.

This day couldn’t get any worse.



14 thoughts on “773. Jesus hates me

  1. Have you seen the Hero Cat video? I’ve always loved cats, and can’t remember a time when I didn’t have at least 2. But that video says it all, for me, where cats are concerned. Hope your day improves.

  2. I’m sure you’ll be OK with quick trips to the grocery store (for cat food & litter) and the hair dresser, you know you have to look good for Elvis 😄

  3. Why did you title this, Jesus Hates Me? I like your writing, but I don’t read writers who are purposely offensive to God. So I am unfollowing you. I don’t wish you good luck. I wish you a soul and the humility to realize you are not God.     

    >________________________________ > From: 67 and dumped >To: writer@marylouihess.com >Sent: Monday, May 19, 2014 10:34 AM >Subject: [New post] 773. Jesus hates me > > > > WordPress.com >67anddumped posted: “I know that when it comes to animals I am crazy. Remember I used to make excuses not to go places because I didn’t want to leave my neighbor’s dog alone. So because I am aware of that trait in me when it came to getting a pet I knew a dog was out of” >

  4. Never gave him a second thought. Never gave your rant a second either. At the end of this though, it is you who decided to leave Elvis alone for a fun weekend in the Hamptons. If Elvis was miserable look in the mirror for the culprit. Loved the Jesus lady!!!

  5. He is looking at you with such love and affection, but seriously Elvis wouldn’t know you were not there for a couple hours to a day or two. Cats have no sense of time like dogs do….

    Sent from my iPhone


  6. All of the stuff you hear about cats being aloof and not caring when you leave is propaganda. They’re needy, all of ’em, in one way or another. Ours come to greet us every day when we come home and it’s not just because they expect treats. OK, it’s MOSTLY because they expect treats, but yeah. They sleep with us, are almost always in the same room we’re in, etc. Cats get a bad rap. Yes, they can be jerks, but they’re also pretty damn great.

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