812. Tragedy thy name is lunch

Riiiingggg (that would be my phone ringing)

It was my nephew. He was driving back from a business meeting.

“I don’t know if I should even tell you this. It was so awful”

In any other family that could mean anything even death but my mind went to what would be the most likely for a relative of mine, either humiliation or food”

“Lay it on me”

He did.

“Since my meeting was at noon the guy I was going to see (We’ll call him Jared) suggested that he pick up lunch. I agreed “.(I started to lean towards food)

“When I get there he hands me my sandwich.

“I hope tuna is alright”

So I,(my nephew (who we’ll call Clark) is a real health nut ) not wanting to be difficult said “Sure”.

I open my sandwich. It was on a big white flour roll and the tuna was that mayonaisie mush.”

(Yep food)

“Then Jared opens his sandwich. It was a whole wheat wrap with fresh vegetables and turkey. The vegetables looked really crispy.

I couldn’t concentrate. All I could think about was “What about me suggested this overbloated white bread mess?” Is this how the guy sees me?

If he had gotten the same thing for himself I would have just put it down to a matter of taste but this just didn’t compute. If he thought his choices were acceptable why not offer to split the two sandwiches and each eat half?”

I understood completely. I too lived through something similar “The Day of the Jelly Sandwich” when I was stuck on a boat with my sister and she brought jelly sandwiches on packaged rye bread for lunch. Not peanut butter and jelly. Just jelly. (pull yourself together, Mattie. You’re getting all hot under the collar again and it was 60 years ago plus the perpetrator, my sister Iris, apologized numerous times and she’s even dead)

Back to me comforting Clark.

“It was the housing”

“What?”

“Remember when Stephanie (my niece, Clark’s cousin) started crying in the car because Julie’s then boyfriend bought her a sandwich on incorrect housing? I believe it was a roll then too.”

“You’re right. It was the housing that put it over the edge. But Julie’s guy was a bank robber. What’s Jared’s excuse?”

NOTE: For more information on Julie’s bank robber boyfriend, you can find it in “Please Excuse My Daughter” by Julie Klam.

“Clark, you have to accept that sometimes things happen that are just unexplainable, like Yeti or the Kardashians. Let it go”

“I guess I’ll have to. By the way I ate some of it on the way home. It wasn’t bad.”

2 thoughts on “812. Tragedy thy name is lunch

  1. Clearly the lunch of the thousand screams. I would have loved the sandwich, though. Perfect housing, and those wrap thingies frequently have just as many carbs and calories as regular bread. I feel really bad for “Clark.” Sorry “Clark”!

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