I’m not going to say I have trouble sleeping exactly.

I used to fall asleep with spit coming out of my mouth in recording studios with a 13 piece band playing out of those giant speakers.

I’m still sleeping okay. I just wake up in the night because I think of something unpleasant in my past.

It’s like before you die your life flashes before you.

But it’s rarely happy moments. Usually it’s humiliating times or unpleasant things I’ve gone through or done.

I’m 76 and I’ve never been the “think before you act” kind of girl so there are plenty of them.

But last night it was a little different.  It didn’t have to do with me at all.

It was my father and my sister Iris.

This thing was so shocking that when I mentioned it to my sister Marcia just now on the phone.  Her reaction was the same as it was maybe 60 years ago.  There was a hush and then she said in a breathy voice “What was she thinking?”

First let me describe my father.

He was everything you’d want your father to be.

He was smart and kind and generous.

He was also the kind of guy that was always properly dressed.

If he was in pajamas, it was always with a robe and slippers.

I probably couldn’t pick his feet out in a line up.

Maybe it was because we were a family of all girls.

He was quite impressive personally.  I’ve never seen anyone treat him in any way but with respect. Here’s a picture of him.

In fact for future edification here is my whole family. The sisters in order of age from left to right.

Iris, Phyllis, my mother, my father, Marcia and me.

Old pictures but you get the idea.

So here’s the thing I was talking about.

Iris was walking behind my father going up the stairs.

And she goosed him!

As she told me about it later. It wasn’t even a little goose. It was a deep one.

“Are you crazy??” I asked.

“I think maybe momentarily. I don’t know what I was thinking” she said.

“What did he do?”

“He jumped and kind of squeaked ”

We vowed never to speak or even think of it again.

And we didn’t until it jumped into my psyche this morning.

I really miss my sister Iris.

I miss my dad too.

Now, because I’ve got the willies just thinking about it.

Zen