Another bad dream last night. I was walking Rupert and I lost him. When I found him his carriage was broken and I had a lot of trouble carrying him home. (I erased this last  sentence 3 times and rewrote it. I didn’t want you people to know that I am one of those nuts with a dog in a carriage. But he isn’t my dog, he’s Liz’s. AND I ONLY PUT HIM IN THE CARRIAGE WHEN I’M IN A HURRY. Of course I did buy the carriage)

I used to think that it would be easier and less embarrassing if dave had died but I realize that isn’t so.

If before this had all happened I became a widow, I would have been devastated. I used to be so afraid that something would happen to him that I’d freeze if he said he thought he had any illness other than a cold. I would truly have no happy moments if I lost him like that.

With the situation the way it is, I have some panics and some sad moments but I have many more times where I am doing something fun that I’ve never done before. I realize I have to find a life for myself so I am constantly pushing off bad feelings.

I keep reminding myself what dave is probably doing right now and it jolts me into making the best of things.

And besides, I made reservations for my sister and I to go to Spain. So Hasta manana!