72. Elvis -yay, Reality – boo

It’s like being on a rollercoaster.

Yesterday I was sad and then Cheryl and I talked about Graceland and I felt happier.

I woke up this morning and I was happy because my nephew Jimmy, his wife, Michele and their kids, Jacob and Maia are coming over. They haven’t had electricity for a week due to the storm and they want to do laundry etc. Jacob’s the baseball player. I just gotta hope he doesn’t spend the day pitching baseballs off my terrace. I’m sure for ten bucks he’ll put his career aside for one day.

Anyway I’m really looking forward to it.

Then I got an email from dave. He wants me to ask my lawyer or our accountant how much I’ll lose in terms of income if he marries crapface and then he dies (I’m not sure he used that name but he might have.) He says he wants to be fair in the distribution of property.

Now why did that put me in a funk?

Somehow his being thoughtful is worse than his being mean.  Am I being honest with myself when I say I’m on the road to recovery?

Am I being honest when I say that out of sight out of mind or does this mean that I’m secretly hoping that he’s forgotten about the whole thing and is just taking a leave of absence?

In my head there is nothing positive about going back with him, forget that it isn’t up to me. The best thing about our relationship was that I felt loved. That’s out the window. My life is way more interesting now.

So why does proof that he’s moving forward make me feel ice cold and scared?

7 thoughts on “72. Elvis -yay, Reality – boo

  1. Because you ARE scared. Why wouldn’t you be? Your heart has been broken (underneath all that anger is pain) and that’s a deep wound, the deepest kind. From that vulnerable place you are facing change — huge, change. But you are loved by family and friends and even strangers reading your blog. I for one (and hippiechick68 for two) can identify with you and understand it can be overwhelmingly painful and scary. I’d say we (I mean the big we — family, friends, blog buddies) will get you through this but the truth is you will get yourself through it. We will support and cheer you, but you will do the work, and you will grow and thrive. xxooOOO

  2. It’s always a bit easier (in theory) when it isn’t in your face, nice or not. Why doesn’t he ask the lawyers or whoever? Why do you have to? Isn’t that the way they stir you up, by asking you to do things they should do? Keep up the good fight, as in, loving your name for her!

  3. if he puts you in charge then he isn’t guilty about anything that happens. that’s so evil. let your lawyer tell him to put everything in your name, and split his future earnings between you, with a smaller percentage to shitface. xx

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