75. I think a person that uses “affect” and “effect” correctly in the same post is kind of a genius

When my marriage broke up I spent all my time holding myself together and trying to keep busy. Since I don’t have children I assumed that I was the only one affected.

Last night Julie and her family came for dinner. I served pot roast and noodles in case you’re interested.

We were sitting and having hors d’oeuvres ( hummus,  carrots and cheese) when Julie looked around and said. “I can’t believe that this happened and he won’t be coming in.”

Violet asked “Who does she mean? Your bad husband?”

Though I won’t say they were shattered, I realized that ‘uncle dave’ had been as much a part of their lives as mine. He was always very welcoming and generous. He appeared to feel for my family the closeness that he didn’t extend to his own family. He loves his sister but they rarely speak unless she calls him.

I keep waiting for the ripples of this stone thrown into my life to drift away until they disappear. Julie saying that shows that that won’t happen any time soon.

First of all the fact that I’m putting a lot of the shock and awe in little packages that I stow away until either I’m ready to deal with them or one or the other bursts open on it’s own delays closure.

Secondly I have not even begun to deal with the collateral damage.

Not only his absence and it’s effects on the family but in leaving me dave changed my status in the family. I am no longer the one that most of them come to for comfort and help. I’m the person that they feel responsible for. I hate that.

Stephanie insists that although I keep saying that the longer I delay this thing, the better I am financially, not only because he may get hit by  a bus or a pagoda may fall on him, I still should move it forward and get him out of my life. She thinks that as long as we have contact I won’t really start over.

She’s probably right.

2 thoughts on “75. I think a person that uses “affect” and “effect” correctly in the same post is kind of a genius

  1. I’m amazed at the parallels between your story and mine. I say don’t worry about how quickly you are going. Everyone processes at the pace that is right for them. For what it’s worth, my experience is that it goes in phases, each successive phase being something of a review and a deeper dive into the crap. You can only take so much at one time — and it’s not such a bad thing that you naturally protect yourself from too much at once. It’s no different than people not remembering gruesome accidents. That’s all the mental stuff…. I know it’s also tough to navigate thru the practical matter of how and when to do the lawyer and assets stuff. The effects of that can affect your mental health, that’s for sure. But as you can see, people come out of this… at least well enough to use affect and effect correctly in the same post.
    xxooOOOOOOO K

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