92. The Mysteries of Waspdom

I thought David might be going crazy. That’s Liz’s David as you can tell by the capital “D”.

This morning I opened my door to get the NY Times and there was a bagel on my paper. I knew it wasn’t from Liz because she left really early to go to be interviewed by NY1 for her Holiday Market at Union Square.

It had to be from David.

Now he knows I use any excuse to go running over there to “share the morning” as I like to say.

Usually he looks up, frowns and goes back to reading his paper as I walk in (he uses the term “bust in” but I don’t let it bother me).

But this bagel was like an engraved invitation written in calligraphy.

He even turned off the news at my entrance.

It wasn’t long before I realized  why he was so welcoming.

The cold weather had killed all the flies so he had no wings to pull off.

After the usual morning chit chat he proceeded to tell me how with dave spending all this money I might be in a pickle when the divorce comes through.

It will be extremely difficult to afford two households and I’d better start thinking about that.

When he got divorced he had to sell his house  which gave him a bunch of cash but it was still hard to support his ex wife’s life and his and his son’s.

I was dying to find out what he got for his house. He refused to tell me. He simply said  “It was wayyyy more than I paid for it”.

“What did you pay for it?” He shook his head.

I know what you’re thinking. “What kind  of person asks people about their finances?”

I’ll tell you what kind of person. My kind.

Liz always explains to any of her guests that just because I ask them questions they shouldn’t feel they have to answer.

I remember shortly after I met Miss Liz (my little nieces call her that), truly the waspiest person I’ve ever known, she was at my house for dinner and a friend showed me a necklace she had just gotten.

I said “What’d that set you back?”

I thought Liz would faint dead away.

And her shock was doubled when my friend answered.

Any mention of money puts Miss Liz in a swoon.

Jeez how are you supposed to know if you want to buy one too if you don’t know what it costs?

And how am I supposed to know if down the line I want to hit David for a loan if I don’t know how much money he has?

He knows to the penny what I have.

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