I haven’t been able to write for a few days because my sister was visiting and we spent every second looking at each other doing whatever it was we were doing.

I think dave is in town.

I don’t feel safe in my apartment now.

Not because he would ever hurt me physically but he could show up at any moment. This would be much worse. He could invade my space.

I’ve been anxious for days.

While he was away the worst thing he could do was send me an email which would ruin my day.

I could not open the email. But I’d never do that.

Another thing is that I knew I should be taking care of business, our finances can’t be divided until I get them all organized. I kept thinking I had time.

Time’s up.

And this being just my home feels good.

The sheets only have my scent on them.  I like that. This surprises me because in the past when dave went to Japan I’d sleep on his pillow and breathe in his scent until I knew he landed safely.

If I take a nap. I pick up rupert and we get into bed. When dave was here I’d never want him to see me do that. If I fell asleep in my chair that was more acceptable to me.

There are a lot of little things like that that make this apartment my own, this life my own, something I never thought I wanted.

I just had a creepy thought. Maybe I’m so anxious because it’s been 3 months. he’s in my city and doesn’t even miss me enough to call or come over.