173. Tonight I’m going to bed with swim fins on

“How was my night?” you ask.

I know you didn’t ask but you’re gonna know.


My sleep machine poured water on my face TWICE.

I almost drowned because you have to find the little clamp to get the thing off and that ain’t easy.

PLUS while I was gasping for breath I put my arm down and broke my TV glasses.

Still I live in hope. If I can get it working it shouldn’t interfere with my getting another  man. That is if I can find some extraterrestrial conspiracist who gets turned on by someone with an elephant nose tube coming out of their face.

I finally got to sleep, sans mask at about 4 a.m.

Stephanie, an early riser called me this morning at around 7:30  to:

1. instruct me not to make the horoseth (a mixture of ground walnuts, apples and kosher wine ) too watery. She likes to bring the leftovers to her in laws for Easter and it makes the matzo soggy.

And 2. She  invited me to Shelter Island with her and a few other couples. I said no I don’t want to be a third wheel. I regretted saying that because I knew it would make her feel bad for me.

“Well face it you are a third wheel. That’s your lot from now on but don’t feel bad about that. Julie and I were third wheels to you and dave for years. You’d be surprised  at how easy it gets with time.”

Try taking yourself too seriously with that kid in the family.

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