226. One woman’s sex toy is another’s beauty treatment

When you write a blog you can tell how many people from each country are reading your stuff. There are 3 people in Canada and 24 people in Mexico who read my thing yesterday that I’m wondering about. I’d like to know who they are. Not for any reason but maybe I could sprinkle some Canadian and Mexican in my writing to keep them interested.

I’m seeing Julie and Violet again today. Julie seemed down in the dumps since her computer is broken. Well down in the dumps may be a bit strong but she did put something on Facebook about becoming a crack whore since she had so much time on her hands.

I’m nothing if not tuned in so I called and asked if she’d like to go to Costco. Although she seemed to like the idea, until I sprinkled it with lunch and Toys R Us we couldn’t get Violet to okay the trip.

I’m off now. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I’m back. It went well. Violet even let me get my brake light fixed so I know she was  enjoying the day.

Costco is truly a Jew Wonderland. Huge packs of crap that will enable you to not buy more of that same crap for a year.

It brings the essence of my mother back.  My mother never bought one of anything. Since she had 4 daughters 5 was the magic number of any purchase.

I think my sister wrote about my mother buying 5 vibrators in different colors because she thought they were face massagers. For as long as I could remember she kept hers on my father’s dresser. I don’t know that it was ever used , just the thought of that gives me the screaming meemies.

I was about 12 at the time so mine just stayed on my bookcase.

Not one person ever remarked on the oddity of this. I guess they realized that we all had very relaxed looking faces.

20 thoughts on “226. One woman’s sex toy is another’s beauty treatment

      • I added another switchblade and cowboy hat to my growing collection today. Dinner tonight with some of Liz’ fancy friends.
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  1. I feel almost famous as one of the three Canadians who read your amazingly funny, touching and always say-it-like-it-is blog! To Canadianize it perhaps you could throw in a few references to coffee crisps, Tim hortons and Canadian rye whiskey! Thanks for sharing some of your life with us! As nice as Canadians are there are a few scum bag daves up here too! I’m rooting for you from Vancouver! You deserve great things!

  2. Just end every senteence with, “eh”… Then it will be officially canadian….and throw in a “newfie” reference every now and then. (that’s someone from newfoundland….. Apparently they aren’t smart or good looking or big spenders….. I guess they would fit in at costco!….. But i don’t know that for a fact since i don’t know any “newfies”…so i’m just ignorantly stereotyping).

    • You have an appalling lack of knowledge about anything beyond the UES. Of course a Newfie is colloquial for a person from Newfoundland, and they are WIDELY know as the hillbillies of Canada. Do you know where Newfoundland is?
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  3. Luckily we Canadians have thick skins and Newfies have the best sense of humour! In fact, they they are some of the nicest, funniest, sweetest people I’ve met. In an effort to curb an international incident I leave you with a little joke…
    A guy from Newfoundland is sitting at the bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes. The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
    “No,” he replies, “I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

    The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

    The Newfoundlander explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

    The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

    “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”

    The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

    The Newfoundlander smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s running about an hour fast, can I buy you a drink?”

    Goodnight from Canada!

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