232. If the lying little shit wants to tell her side, let her get a blog.

Today will be one of my perfect days. I’m going to Brooklyn to play with Susan.

These days never fail to be great. We drive around and do whatever either of us wants to do. We almost always have lunch in the best greek restaurant we know.

These Brooklyn outings are totally stress free and fun. We have a long friendship and we’ve had some disagreements but never on our Brooklyn outings.

That isn’t always the case on all my jaunts. For example my lovely day with Violet ended with me calling her a little liar and her throwing the insult right back at me in spades.

We were in FAO Schwartz “just to look” while Julie was getting her hair done.

First we picked up her birthday present, some ghoul doll, then we just walked around.

Two teeny bopper sales girls called us over and offered to polish and draw on Violet’s nails with the once in  a lifetime sale of a set of nail polishes reduced from $49.95 to $29.95.

They did it and Violet liked it.

I told her to tell her mother and I’m sure she’d get it for her. I had already sprung for that creepy doll and I had no intention of upping the ante. (Thanks dave for making me too poor to buy a kid’s love)

We left the store and were about 3 blocks away when Violet stopped dead in her tracks and spoke with quivering lips, ” I should have taken the offer those girls were making”

It took me a minute to figure out what she meant but when I did I said “Let’s go back and get it”

Violet immediately turned around and double timed it back to FAO. The kid takes a cab to the bathroom but this walk she was happy to do.

When we get back to the display they have 3 set choices. Here’s where the seeds to the later conflict were laid.

Box 1 = all irridescent

Box 2 = All plain but brighter colors

Box 3 = half and half

I suggested twice that she take the plain box because the colors were sharper but she chose  Box 3.

They also said that if you buy 2 boxes you get this overlay wand that puts sparkles on the nails free.

Even though I said it was bullshit Violet reeeeally wanted that wand.

I turned to the girl and asked the price of the wand. She said it’s free. “With one box?” The girl said “yes”.

Violet later tarnished my image by telling her mother that the only reason we got the wand free was because I said a dirty word and scared the sales girl.

Now though I admit that “bullshit” is seldom heard in FAO Schwartz, it is by no means a real dirty word like, well, you know. And though the teen did appear a bit shaky when I asked the question about the wand I’m sure she wouldn’t go against the FAO rules just to protect herself from a little bitch slap.

Anyway we get to my house and Violet is looking at the back of the nail  polish box when her lip starts quivering again.

“What’s up now?”

“I don’t like these colors. I should have gotten the plain box (# 2). You shouldn’t have made me get this box.”

“What ? I told you to get the plain box. You insisted on this box”

“I did not. I only took this box to make you happy”

We were hurling the word “liar ” back and forth when her mother came to pick her up.

As the mature one who has always been a guiding light to both the daughter and her mother I told Julie that her kid’s pants were on fire.

On the way out, incidentally to exchange the polish, I heard Violet say to Julie, “Mom, you know that if I say something and Aunt Mattie says something else that she’s the one who’s lying”

I don’t know for sure but my guess is that my sweet Julie threw me under the bus.

6 thoughts on “232. If the lying little shit wants to tell her side, let her get a blog.

  1. This is hilarious….and Mattie head back over to FAO Schwarz, buy the #2 set, and paint your nails. Send Violet a picture and invite her over to your place for “girls’ night in”.

  2. “the kid takes a cab to the bathroom” — hilarious line.
    Treacherous outing! I’m exhausted for you – the power struggle! the accusations! V could be learning how to decide what she wants and might be mad at herself as well as you. Okay I’ll butt out now before I, too, am the object of her anger. ::quivering::

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