313. How on earth did I get a D in french? I’m practically fluent.

The family of Noodles returned the other night.

They were happily greeting each other at the elevator when the mother said to me “Deed you ‘ave fun weeth ‘er?”

“no” I said

She looked surprised Oh why?”.

I know “why” shouldn’t be said in a french accent but it was. I just didn’t know how to write it.

“Don’t get me wrong.” I added  ” I love her but she’s very needy”

I was actually thinking ” You must know this dog pees wherever she wants and am I the first person she ever humped all night?”

I could see they were taken aback and that on some level they thought I should have been grateful for the company.

The truth is I am glad that I was able to keep the dog from going to a kennel for the weekend but I hoped that next time they’d pick a hotel that takes dogs.

Anyway I went to bed that night comfortable that I was ungracious enough to make them think twice before asking me to dog sit again while still not making it so bad that they wouldn’t ask me in an emergency.

The next morning there was a note under my door.

It said “You Jew whore, that’s zee last time wee’ll let you mind our precious dug”

Just kidding. I only put that in to add a bit of color in case this blog  becomes a movie.

The note actually said “Thank you so much” and it had $80 in it.

I ran down the hall and rang their french bell “reeeng !!!”


“I can’t take this!”

“But you deed us a favour”

“That’s right. It’s a favor. That’s what neighbors do for each other. You can’t give me money”

You know how in french, or is it spanish, there’s “you, understood” where in a command you don’t actually say the word?

Well in saying “You can’t give me money” the understood part was “but a Coach bag that you could get free wouldn’t kill you”

I walked back down the hall thinking that I made my point by not taking the money but also thinking

“Twenty bucks a day?  Where does she think she lives? In the Bronx?”

8 thoughts on “313. How on earth did I get a D in french? I’m practically fluent.

  1. Thanks for putting “Jew Whore” in your blog. I jumped.
    Let the Frog family know you charge $300 a week…People get money for watching pets, as you probably know.
    Don’t be shy’ put a note under their door asking for a Coach bag.
    Whatta ya think?

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