You can’t hear the doorbell from my bedroom.

Last night Rupert and I were in there watching “The Good Wife” when Liz and David came home from a night of frivolity and Liz called to say she was home so I could give Rupert back to her.  She also said there’s a nazi at my door.

Now David thinks it’s an absolute scream to bang on my door and shout “Open ze doorenheimer” and a bunch of German sounding words until I answer.

I don’t really mind because I figure he’s so happy to have his own Jew to harass, something that has been a rarity in his home town of Asshole Texas that I just let him have his fun.

Anyway I go to the door, carrying Rupert and open it to David’s Heinrich Himmler imitation with Liz  standing behind him shaking her head in dismay.

All of a sudden the french woman from down the hall, alarmed at the yelling comes running out of her apartment rushing to save the day. Calling to see if everyone was alright.

Liz, horrified, runs to tell her that  it was just David fooling around.

I look to see David’s  reaction. Nothing.

When I say nothing I mean he was no place to be seen. I look down the hall of my apartment and he’s peeking around the corner.

Now let’s see.Who’s the hero here?

Is it the tiny young french woman, risking her life by coming out to save a neighbor from what was clearly an attack or the big dumkopf sheepishly hiding behind the door?

I’m thinking that Noodles has an open invitation to  my house in the future, humping or no humping.