317. I’m a puzzlement even to myself.

I had a weird day yesterday.

My lawyer called me from the courthouse and said she had just filed my divorce papers.

“What now?” I asked.

“Now we wait until a judge signs them”.

“And then I’m divorced?”

“Yep”

I know she expected me to speak but the silence just went on until  she said to call if I needed her and we both said good bye.

I guess I should have said thank you or something. I just didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how I felt. It’s been over a year and I still don’t know how I feel.

I don’t think I hate dave. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.

We don’t speak and I don’t know anything about his life now.

Hell, when I really think about it I didn’t know anything about his life when we were together.

It’s funny that I have no idea about what I think. I have an opinion on everything.

I don’t pass a person on the street when I don’t give a critical thought about how they’re wearing their hair but how I feel about the way that my life is turning out? I haven’t a clue.

The day ended with a dental appointment. I had my teeth cleaned by Jody.

She loves me and I love her so she tries very hard to be protective of me.

She kept saying I have to take better care of my gums but each time she said it she tried to apologize.

Usually after she cleans my teeth my dentist comes in and examines them.

He’s definitely one of those people that I can’t live without. He’s sweet and kind and gentle and he kisses me hello and good bye but he will tell me negative things so I told him he couldn’t touch my teeth.

I simply couldn’t hear one more bad thing that day. I told him he could see my tits or my teeth at a distance but that was the extent of what I was willing to share that day.

317

I just realized that I wrote “one more bad thing” so I guess I do know how I feel about the divorce being so close.

Bad.

10 thoughts on “317. I’m a puzzlement even to myself.

  1. I don’t know you other than through your blog (and your niece Julie’s wonderful books) but this made me cry. It felt like a resigned sigh of deep sadness. Hugs from Bridgit…your South Carolina friend that you don’t know. 🙂

  2. when i used to walk from the office to grand central i used to cast a movie in my head.Park ave definately had classier characters. Today i would have to roll down. Babies look at me & wonder what the hell am I doing at their level. We really dislike dave for what he so deceitfully did to someone we love so much. He might be a good musician, but he’s not a good person. i love you!!

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