Yesterday was my happy day. Today is my fit to be tied day.

In January of this year, in an effort to look under every stone for savings I examined my credit cards and noticed a monthly charge of $14.95 to Sahalie Rewards. I called the number attached and I was told that when I bought a sweatshirt from the Sahalie catalogue in 2008 I was entered into the Sahalie Rewards Program.(I might have written about this before)

When I  explained that I never authorized this they disagreed. I guess that I was so happy with my purchase of the shirt that I neglected to uncheck the box that that said “Check here if you’re a fucking idiot and want to pay $14.95 a month in the hopes that someday you’ll buy another piece of crap from us and get a 10 percent discount on said crap”.

I had heard that the best way to get results is by being sweet. So I started with “Since I never made another purchase from your company this was clearly a mistake”

They didn’t exactly say “Tough shit” but the result was the same.

I decided to bring out the big guns.” I’m 69 and my husband of 38 years has left me for another woman without even a howdy do. ” I say this in a sad but brave voice so they see that even though the world has tried to knock me down I still have spunk.

This has gotten a good response from the phone company, Bloomingdale’s, Sleepy’s and scores of others. Sahalie’s answer was the equivalent of “Too fucking bad”.

That’s when I lost it and started threatening them with  the Better Business Bureau, the AARP and my good friend Hillary Clinton.

It seems that you actually can’t catch more bees with honey because only then did they decide to give me a partial refund of  about 300 bucks.  Not nearly enough because I’ve paid them about $900 but when I called the credit card company today they said something about a statute of limitations.

Then I got to thinking. This started 5 years ago when my brain was fairly intact. What the hell have I unknowingly purchased since then?

Is that why I’ve gotten a pair of clown shoes and a horn every month for a year? I though they were gifts.