330. Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed

I nearly had one of my best days today. I was supposed to go to Brooklyn to play with Susan. Unfortunately Allan has the flu so I don’t want to touch either one of them with a ten foot pole.

I have a great many important things going on in the next few weeks.

I have to get ready for tax time. This is the last year dave and I will be filing together. Who knows what he’s going to do in the future. For his sake I hope his lady friend has some accounting skills because he hasn’t even written a check in 30 years.

Plus the first nine chapters of my book are ready to send out to lure an agent, an editor and some big money publishing house into investing in me.

If no one buys it I have three people I can lay the blame on. Julie, who’s gone over it repeatedly with a fine tooth comb , Cheryl who worked endlessly on my first three chapters and Brenda who gave me absolutely free help while showing me how to go about turning my blog into a book.

Since my mother has always told me what a genius I am, if this thing doesn’t go anywhere I’ll have to blame those three hacks.

I was very close to getting a fabulous invitation this morning. Stephanie called and said that she and her husband Terry wanted to invite me to go with them to a lovely North Carolina hotel and spa.

I started to graciously accept when she informed me that she changed her mind because she needs me to mind her animals.

Ah it wouldn’t have been any fun anyway. Beautiful scenery, good food, facials and massages are just not my thing. I’d rather stay up at her house with no cable.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? NO CABLE.

They’re like hillbillies. Who has no cable in this day and age?  And it’s not that they can’t afford it. They just completely renovated their house. They have a toilet that opens up when you enter the bathroom, welcomes you with a song, washes your tushy and wishes you a good day but they don’t consider cable a necessity?

330

I will never understand some people. TV isn’t just for entertainment. It’s for learning. Why if I never watched “Jerseylicious” I would be completely in the dark about the “smokey eye”. (Get it? Dark?  Smokey? Do I ever stop cracking myself up?)

Good thing because being up there with that talking toilet and no cable I’ll need myself for entertainment.

5 thoughts on “330. Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed

  1. I’m so happy for you! 🙂 Congratulations on completing the first nine chapters of your book. Some smart agent who appreciates great writing is going to snap up this opportunity to lure a fabulous editor and publisher and before you know it, you will be able to afford to pay for Stephanie to have cable plus buy yourself a new handbag…a big name brand one!
    I have a sister almost two years older than I who still has and uses an old rotary dial telephone and does not have cable. She does live in an apartment though, not under a rock as most people think when they hear this.

  2. Wait, wait, wait! When did you sign your papers and finalize your divorce? I thought it was before 12/31. If so then dave is on his own, your marital status on 12/31 determines your filing status. 🙂

  3. Congrats, Mattie! I was hoping that these blogs would transform into a book. There is so much great writing. You crack me up and I can really picture everything you talk about. Wish I had moved to NY 20 yrs ago. You and Susan were enough reason!
    Coming to Brooklyn to work April 13. Maybe I’ll stay a few more days to harass you!!!!!

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