331. There are 1000 stories in the naked city

Life, Heroism, Wrongful Accusations, Death,  and the Beginnings of a Secret Society. It’s all in today’s blog folks.

It started like any other Tuesday only it was Wednesday.

I woke up, watched “Dance Moms”, ate breakfast, got dressed and went out to start my day. (LIFE)

Just before I left, my sister Marcia called and told me that her friend, and mine, Pat had been driving to work in front of a Brinks truck when money started flying out of the truck unbeknownst to the driver who kept going. (I’m using ‘unbeknownst’ because this is a fancy post).

Pat pulled over and tried gathering up the cash, $11,000 worth (she knew this because on the bag it said “$11,000” just like in a Donald Duck cartoon), while dialing 911 and the State Police.


They contacted Brinks who sent the truck back to pick up the money. Brinks called Pat’s cell phone, thanked her and asked her to keep it under wraps. Maybe they thought that having one of the Three Stooges driving their money around wouldn’t do much for their rep. Anyway while she was waiting for an hour for the Brinks truck to come back, she put it on Facebook so they were too late. (HEROISM)

I had an appointment with the nose doctor. Stephanie has been criticizing the fact that I say “What?” a lot so I was having a hearing test. The nose doctor minors in ears.

I get on the bus, put my old person bus pass in the ticket thing(thanks dave for taking taxis out of my life) and start to move to a seat when the bus driver calls me back because my card couldn’t be read. I put it through again and it still says ERROR. I show the driver that my card is still valid and explain that it is automatically renewed money wise. He looks at me with disgust. I ask what I should do now and he says that he’s been on this job for 8 years and he’s seen this thing happen over and over with people who think they can get away with not paying when they know the card is no good so I can just pay.  I’d like to say I took him to task but I was shaking so much, looking for enough coins to pay the fare that I just said nothing. A woman offered me quarters, I only had  a dollar bill, and I paid the fare. Immediately after that I found two quarters in my pocket and handed them to the woman who had helped me. She tried to refuse them because I had already given her the dollar. She too was starting to get annoyed with me, “I’m just trying to help you” but I would have none of it. I shoved the quarters in her hand and rushed to the back of the bus. So that lady’s deed can fall under (HEROISM) while what I went through was clearly (WRONGFUL ACCUSATIONS).

Though my hearing turned out okay , (Take that Steph, maybe if you were more interesting, I’d listen the first time you told me something.) I got no comfort at the doctor’s office. When I told the receptionist what had happened on the bus, instead of getting sympathy she went on a long rant about how the same  old lady pulls exactly the same thing I pulled every morning on the bus while she was just trying to get to work on time (BITCH)

I got some change and took the bus home. That bus driver wouldn’t let me  pay when I showed him my card and told him there was a problem (HERO? I say yes)

When I got to my apartment house there were ambulances and cops and fire engines in front of my building. I had to open the door myself (I told you it was a rough day) because my doorman was sitting on the couch in the lobby talking to cops and shaking like a leaf. It seems that the tenant in the  penthouse called him and asked him to check on her husband who had not been answering the phone. When he went upstairs the guy had hanged himself. (DEATH).


I actually don’t know how to segue from this to my next activity which was to meet Julie, Gail, the cookie queen and my darling Claudia, shrink/accordian player without seeming heartless but frankly I didn’t know the guy and a cocktail was just what I needed after all this so imagine the next scene is a lovely restaurant surrounded by my friends.

I was a little late because, well because and the other three were deep into conversation and drinks when I got there. I had to interrupt them several times to get all my stories out. When I told them about the bus Julie wondered aloud why I would need a card to show that I’m old since all they had to do was look at me (WISEGUY).

In no time we were laughing and loving each other. So much so that we decided that we should make this a regular thing and we even started suggesting what we could call ourselves. The offerings were so lame that we decided to table the choosing of a name for the next meeting. (THE BEGINNING OF A SECRET SOCIETY).

So that’s it folks, there are 1000 stories in the Naked City and five of them were mine. Well six if you count the nose doctor, maybe seven if you include Julie getting a yuck at my expense. Oh yeah and what about the nice bus driver? Or is that part of the bus story? So maybe eight, or is it nine……….?

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